Have I ‘found my practice’? I thought maybe Andrew might have gone mad or emailed the wrong person when he sent me this question. I didn’t really know I was supposed to be looking for it. This particular worry, I have obviously forgotten to worry about, what with all the other things to worry about (until he asked it and now I’m racking my brains as to where and when I might have last seen it!). Shit! Has anyone seen my practice?!!
I was always in the mind set of just ‘keeping it going’ and making things meet somehow, seeing through another year and having a little personal whoop-whoop moment now and again to myself for not throwing in the towel. I’m paddling frantically under here (is this not what we are all doing?) trying to keep the waters in motion.
I think I am probably quite an irresponsible artist in regards to maintaining a practice that is realistic and sustainable. I seem to shy away from the issues of finding funding and applying for grants or anything else that requires me to fit particular criteria. I cling to my part time job because it asks nothing of me as an artist and allows me a clear distinction between when I earn and when I create. This often does make me question if I even have a practice. The money I may earn from my own artwork is usually just a lucky one off and considered a bonus. I know this is not the way to move ‘my practice’ forward for the long term but it helps me, for now work on what I consider ‘my true practice’ (the one that exists to learn rather than earn). The most important thing to me now is creating space, time and freedom to be able to work with as little compromise as possible. I do work very hard trying to ‘get it out there’ and get people interested in my ideas but ultimately my work is not to fulfil anyone else’s expectation. If I focused on what I ‘should’ be doing I fear the results would only be contrived and empty. I guess a lot of it comes down to intuition and allowing yourself space to listen to it. For now I maintain this view but who knows how this may change in the future. I feel like the only way for me to make it work is keep an open mind and be prepared to adapt, yet stay confident and focused on what feels right to me.
continued on previous post…
