hi hat & snare

“it’s only grass”

that’s been the conversation on and off today.

context time. in the front of the house there is a path with a stretch of grass before the kerb. occasionally it gets driven on and at this wet time of year the tyres of the vehicle dig in. a delivery van might rock in once and a while later the grass will recover.

so here’s my impact assessment and source of the angst that i need to share with Facebook so i’m not quite so tense about it.

our adjoined neighbours are moving stuff today. several times their van has mounted the grass. several times it’s left and come back.

i’ve spoken to the guy driving the van. sitting back down now i really didn’t say with confidence about how the repeated driving on the grass has had an impact that has taken me to outside my comfort zone and will now have to wait to see if the grass recovers.

it might only be grass but it’s a scaled down example of environmental impact imposed by man on our planet.

yes i know it’s only grass but at what point does a few tyre tracks become a damaging impact on the environment in which i live ?

i’m not sure the neighbours got where i was coming from and they agreed “it’s only grass” and this is now the completion of the days journeys.

i hated how they looked at me. i hated that i felt so uncomfortable at having to even think about speaking to them. i hated that i failed to eloquently say please consider the verge as we both live here and i personally want it to remain looking like it did before you plopped this long wheelbase van on the verge and used the section of grass in front of our house to mount and dismount the kerb.

i’m surprised at myself for having to take to Facebook to clear the inner tension this occcurance has generated in me.

at least i’ve remembered that the piece of grass i’ve become so passionate about is called a verge.

it has helped outing this event on Facebook. in reflection when i spoke to them i was scared and i really did fail to express myself in a manner that i would have done if i knew them a little better and felt relaxed about talking to them.

it is only a piece of grass but it’s grass in the community where i live and i want the community where i live to feel valued, looked after and cherished.

i think it’s my personal maslow base level in action.

i feel better and reassured for understanding that now.

it’s only grass but it’s grass where i live and it’s outside the house that i live in.

i thought i’d finished writing but the van has just reappeared and again gone on the verge. i’m smiling as i understand why it’s bothering me and our neighbours are now communicating their position by their actions. (i don’t know if the van is on or off the grass and having explored why i felt so uncomfortable and realising why i’m happy to be at one with the situation.) in time we’ll see if the verge recovers.

it’s ok.

it’s only grass.

a month ago i reviewed january and now it’s the turn of february.  it’s often been the most difficult month of the year for me as i slowly wither waiting for the sun to return in march.  this year i’ve been doing ok until this weekend.  this weekend i’ve struggled with my mood and those around are giving me a wide berth while i work through my sad ness.

after that disclosure the rest of the review can only be more upbeat.  i took part in two weekend short courses about basic woodland management and making things from bark.  i’ve continued to practice making skulks of foxes via whittling.

my big dilema is wether to continue with the goings to the photographic society meetings.  i’ve now racked up 3 visits to the 2nd group. the 3rd meeting was a club monochrome competition.  the club had invited  a member of another club to be the judge.  i was informed that this judge was a particiluary fair and constructive judge.  having experienced thursday morning crits in the first year of my degree, i don;t really get how a visiting judge would ever be that mean.

the dilema i talk of is what to do about continuing with the association, wether to become a member.  my gut feeling is my lifestyle is somewhat different from those whose pictures we gaze upon.  i don;t have holidays abroad or spend almost every weekend away from home.  my camera gear is second hand and analogue and i’d rather create something than record something.

my membership would not be about making new friends, so what might it be about?

during the judging of the monochrome prints, the visiting judge made it subtly clear that seeing pictures of the well known photographed things was becoming a little tiresome and an image needed to be pretty special to catch his eye.  he also eluded to wanting to see originality.  looking back on that evening it was reminiscent to a fine art degree crit but without the ferocity of venom in the words.

if i become a member of the society i will be able to show my work, albeit it in a competitive environment and that’s what i’m uncomfortable about.  do i have the resilience for my work to be potentially rejected at a photographic club?

i see how this comes back to me and my potential fragility when placing myself ‘out there’.  no need to be particularly hard on myself i guess this is a reasonable human response to this potential situation.

thing is that i see how the technical aspect of photography is given centre stage and the more expressive form of the medium is somewhat dumbed down.   if i become a member am i actually going to place work into their view that is the antithesis of what i see.  i do after all love a good antithetical situation.  i know where this originates now too.  it’s from my own desire to be without all the aspects of my personality that makes me so withdrawn, shy and unable to say what i think when there is an emotional topic on the table.

as i put the ash from last nights fire in the bin i did wonder if the reason for a critical view is to move forward the point in view.  what if i go to the photographic meetings as me and put images i make into the viewings.  the images being a result of thoughts and feelings processed as part of my life that includes going to the photographic society meetings.  i don’t wish to critise the other members but to place another view in order to attempt to promote wider deeper discussion.

i’ll continue to muse what to do.

“if you practice something you’ll get better at it.” says the australian professor in connection to being hard on one self.

hi.  i’ve started an online course in mindfulness.

i passed my forest school progression week.  the practical day on wednesday was undertaken in “tricky” conditions according to the trainer.  as with the initial week training, it’s taken me sometime for the intensity of the week to ebb.  i am getting back to a flow state.

i’m feeling disconnected with my practice in art.

what also has happened is i’ve reached  space where i can happily think of myself as a practioner in forest school and art or art and forest school.  i feel so happy about avoiding having to describe myself as an artist.

i feel i have space to be myself.

if a viewer or person i converse with wishes to choose to describe or call me an artist i’ll not stop them, it is after all their frame of reference and their world view.

i’ve visited another photographic society, twice.  a different set up to the first, much more ‘on it’.  this morning i had an interesting discussion with a friend who is currently working with documenta.tv on volume 1 of the instagram series.  in the conversation i started to question how the photographic society model might encompass instagram ….

in my forest school practice i’ve started to ‘get’ howto make convincing skulks of foxes.

over last weekend i watched some programmes where art was the main subject.  i might not always get or understand fully the ideas or concepts being put forward however watching the programme creates a cocoon for thought to happen.  this makes me feel happy.

while chatting today with my friend i mentioned to him the conversations i’ve started having.  they’ve begun as a result of clearing a garden and wondering what might be the potential within the newly activated space.  he asked me if i recorded them.  i said yes, who where and when on my website.

what else do i need to note at this time?

the kitchen cupboard lighting project now is more wiggly and broadcasts useable data that i’m considering using to make a generative soundtrack.

i’ve set myself march 20th to have my forest school portfolio completed by.

i’ve helped my partner to rearrange the house to accomodate her materials following her move out of her studio following an increase in the rent.

i think that about covers it all for now.

with all that’s going on, i just need to remember to practice the good things i want to get better at.

i’m taking to review my january early as i have commitments with my two training courses from tomorrow until the end of the month.

this month has seen me walk back into quad in derby to visit their animation exhibition entitled “parts and labour : experiments in animation.”  i went back to see the exhibtion as there was one in particular that excited me.

i also watched the series of three programmes by doctor james fox about the story of three cities in three exceptional years – cities whose artists and thinkers, writers and musicians set the world on a new course.

watching fox unpack the storey of things being done i started to wonder what holds me back in expressing things i feel or think about.  i need to work on over coming the inner tension that manifests itself when i start to consider expressing something in some form.

my dabbling in the world of the photo society has been good to get me out of the house on a monday night.  i’m not sure the one i’ve been visiting is going to be the one to join if at all i join any of them.  i have enquired about visiting another and that is set up for february.  i’m starting to make more time for myself to play and sketch things digitally in photoshop.

in january i’ve started to have glimmers of what my practice can be like.  easing myself through the tension is something i need to be mindfull of and work at getting myself through it.

using the drum solo analogy for a moment, i’m still in the rehearsal studio deciding which song of the set will have the solo in.

january january where art thou ?

almost upon february already … alas january january.

but wait.

january january is still here and soon lest there be forest school progression week with cooking and practical skills. wait oh february there is fun a foot.

so prey tell what of january january.

tis been a month where i have gone forth to strange new worlds and discovering of pdi.  this is the universe of the photographic society.

in that universe i have played and attempted to produce digital images in photoshop with total lack of regard of advised sizes and thirds and all things pertaining to a happy content universe.  enjoy the results of said expedition.

is this a sketchbook i see before me?

my partner has joined a sketchbook circle project and i’ve watched in awe and the gay abandonment of creative happening taking place there.  why doest i not have a sketchbook myself ?  oh look the world i frequent is pixels and retina.

i love the look of satisfaction my partner has when she stands back and stares at what she has created in her book.

if i’m to continue on this quest to create a solo from a small point in time, there is indeed need for …. fun …. and  frolics with abandonment and joy.