a month ago i reviewed january and now it’s the turn of february. it’s often been the most difficult month of the year for me as i slowly wither waiting for the sun to return in march. this year i’ve been doing ok until this weekend. this weekend i’ve struggled with my mood and those around are giving me a wide berth while i work through my sad ness.
after that disclosure the rest of the review can only be more upbeat. i took part in two weekend short courses about basic woodland management and making things from bark. i’ve continued to practice making skulks of foxes via whittling.
my big dilema is wether to continue with the goings to the photographic society meetings. i’ve now racked up 3 visits to the 2nd group. the 3rd meeting was a club monochrome competition. the club had invited a member of another club to be the judge. i was informed that this judge was a particiluary fair and constructive judge. having experienced thursday morning crits in the first year of my degree, i don;t really get how a visiting judge would ever be that mean.
the dilema i talk of is what to do about continuing with the association, wether to become a member. my gut feeling is my lifestyle is somewhat different from those whose pictures we gaze upon. i don;t have holidays abroad or spend almost every weekend away from home. my camera gear is second hand and analogue and i’d rather create something than record something.
my membership would not be about making new friends, so what might it be about?
during the judging of the monochrome prints, the visiting judge made it subtly clear that seeing pictures of the well known photographed things was becoming a little tiresome and an image needed to be pretty special to catch his eye. he also eluded to wanting to see originality. looking back on that evening it was reminiscent to a fine art degree crit but without the ferocity of venom in the words.
if i become a member of the society i will be able to show my work, albeit it in a competitive environment and that’s what i’m uncomfortable about. do i have the resilience for my work to be potentially rejected at a photographic club?
i see how this comes back to me and my potential fragility when placing myself ‘out there’. no need to be particularly hard on myself i guess this is a reasonable human response to this potential situation.
thing is that i see how the technical aspect of photography is given centre stage and the more expressive form of the medium is somewhat dumbed down. if i become a member am i actually going to place work into their view that is the antithesis of what i see. i do after all love a good antithetical situation. i know where this originates now too. it’s from my own desire to be without all the aspects of my personality that makes me so withdrawn, shy and unable to say what i think when there is an emotional topic on the table.
as i put the ash from last nights fire in the bin i did wonder if the reason for a critical view is to move forward the point in view. what if i go to the photographic meetings as me and put images i make into the viewings. the images being a result of thoughts and feelings processed as part of my life that includes going to the photographic society meetings. i don’t wish to critise the other members but to place another view in order to attempt to promote wider deeper discussion.
i’ll continue to muse what to do.
