Mmmm, the holiday was a welcomed break. I couldn’t completely switch off from the general feeling of impending doom deep in my gut but did occasionally drift away and forget myself and the tension. We hardly even mentioned the words…art, ma, exhibition, savings, invite or anything like these reoccurring themes that usually dominate. Instead we often found ourselves whimsically commenting with a bit of a sigh ‘Oh, bit grey today’ ‘Looks like rain again’ and ‘shall we take a walk on the beach’ Oh, to be a semi-relaxed person for a week.

It’s rather strange, I’ve been back 4 days and am yet to go to the studio.(have been back at work everyday since) Mark is coming to collect the work on Thursday and I feel so far away from it all that I can’t really remember if everything is ready. I appear to quite unconsciously have fallen out of gear. This has therefore led to the result of sleepless nights. My days are in auto pilot and my nights are in- ‘lets go over everything 10 times’. I will be glad to just get going with it all now. I have that usual mixture of child-like excitement and adult-like pressure that seems to build up just before an exhibition. Knowing that I have to build it all in the 4 days next week and perform on the opening night makes me feel a little bit dizzy about the week, but the thrill of having this space to show in is frantically bouncing around inside my chest. It is all a strange mix of emotions.

So down to the studio tomorrow to assess the situation, oh and hopefully catch up with the other Fellows who probably think I have disappeared.



Late night… sewing

(and that’s about it for this week)

Off on holiday to Devon next week. Can’t wait for the break, really hoping the weather stays good!

Will be returning with only a week until the exhibition goes up. Getting just a little bit wobbly about everything. The worries and doubts are trying to find a way in, hopefully I can hold them off until after my holiday. Not sure I would of scheduled the holiday at quite this time had I known when we booked, but maybe it is a bit of a blessing in disguise… some relaxing time out.


I did write a post on Sunday, let it sit on my computer for a few days and then re-read it today and instantly decided I clearly could not post it.

Last week was a bit of a come down after the illusion I was under the other week that things were moving forward. It does seem to work that way I’ve noticed. A few good weeks, a run of excitement and positive feelings then….crash!

Last week was a crash, bang, wallop. After finding out about the invites and the mistake (which I think I did take quite well) things got frustrating. The gallery didn’t appear to be helping me out at all, in fact they seemed to be largely detached from my concern, resistant…maybe even defensive? All I wanted was the file and to get it re-printed but everything that should have been simple, got complicated and I felt I was running around chasing my tail. (Accept I don’t have a tail and was in fact just chasing my arse….clearly a lot less fun)

Without going on too much, I got more and more stressed and then had a fuck it! moment – I’m not taking on the cost of their mistake. If they are willing to let it go out with errors then who am I to fight to change it. I was sat looking at this invite splashed with all their logos and just couldn’t fathom in the end why I was trying so desperately hard, on my own, to make it right. I have been working away for months on the work for the show. Financially, I am being squeezed and bent from all directions, something is going to burst. I don’t want it to be my head, so I’m backing off from this problem now and focusing back on my responsibilities, the work!

There’s more to tell regarding the Hertford studios but I’ll just have to save that treat for another day. It’s just one piece of bollocks after another here!

But hey ho I’m still smiling…..or maybe it’s morphing more into a painful grimace. Isn’t art fun!


Oh dear. There’s been a bit of a blunder…. and I’m not completely blameless. Tuesday night I happened to look again at the invite to my exhibition and almost instantly I noticed an error with the spelling of my surname within the text, twice! Cue cold sweats, buzzing ears and a sudden sickening to the belly. This is the proof copy which I agreed to. I did a Usain Bolt to the telephone eager for Amisha to calm me by telling me casually that there was nothing to worry about, they had noticed it and all was well.

This however, did not happen. What I got was an email the following day:

‘Unfortunately, once the sign off has been received from the artist invite goes to print. I have had a look at the invite and although the the surname is incorrect in the text, it is correct in the main title line. It is not ideal but the proof was widely circulated and also approved by you. I am sorry about this regrettably we are unable to reprint the invite due to budget restraints.’

(notice typo!)

I consequently stewed over it for a few days trying to decide what to do, whether I could let it be, get out my Tippex, or call the whole thing off!

So now a kind of calm has restored itself to my mind. I feel I have no choice but to give it all up…..

Well maybe that is a little extreme;

Instead, I’m going to just pay to get them reprinted, but what a bummer. The most amazing thing was having a gallery pay for this kind of stuff and through stupid carelessness and taking others judgement for granted, I now have to start paying out again. What a wally Christina ‘Byrant’, ‘Byryant’!

That lesson can at least be ticked off the list of things to learn, I guess. Look to the positives.

Always be thorough in checking the proof. (especially with those vital details like NAME!)



I never thought I would be so delighted at the prospect of a 7 day week at work, that’s earning work rather than art work, but next week I’m even enthused and a little excited about the prospect of a bit of customer service. You lucky public! Each day I’m going to hear that imaginary MA fees savings tin – chink, chink and will be smiling.

Ok, so it’s a bitter sweet blessing, as of course no time in the studio, but right now getting my savings together for the long term is much more pressing. I knew this summer was going to be a write off for both studio work and any chance of getting out enjoying the sun…that’s fine. It’s not forever.

Luckily I think I’m pretty organised for the exhibition in July and the time off for setting up is all arranged. Dee from the Hertford Studios text to say the studios are well on their way to being complete in a few weeks and enrolment info from Wimbledon has come through.

I’m feeling positive again, yay!

1 Comment