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I think for now that I’ve had my fill of feelings… I want to concentrate on the good things…

Time to change the focus…

I sent off my proposal for the National Sculpture Prize today… Soooo out of my comfort zone… excited that I’m finally getting involved…

It’s a strong design I believe. I’m proud of the idea and what it represents and where it could take things; me… stepping away from the iPad… not quite… looking to use the iPad in a new way – and how it stands as a three dimensional drawing in its own right…

I’ve discussed the notion of ambiguity with friends… pondered figurative… sought opinion on various designs… compared to the obvious… drawn and re-drawn… considered… mused… contemplated… tried… altered…

Copper or steel?… tubing or bar?… Ply or hardwood?… Beech or iroko?… Both?… Height?… Width?… Measure and re-measure… Thickness?… Straight or curved?… One piece?… Two pieces?… Single boards?… Mortise and tenons?

I’ve titled the piece “Urban Tree” and it’s based on an iPad image of a figure wearing a hoody… which might just be too much information…

I plumped for ambiguous…

“Urban Tree is a natural evolution for the iPad manipulations that I have been developing. As a physical starting point, it crosses backwards and forwards between the virtual and the real in its progression towards spatial realisation and recognition. This drawing… and it remains as such… sits in a rural setting, challenging with an urban edge, the ambiguous threat of figure only hinted at from a set, pre-determined point: questioning the need for the figure to be recognised at all. The material of the main two structures chosen to help camouflage the metropolitan, hinted at by the industrial opposing metal that works as a foil against which the two might rail. Urban meets rural… This sculpture expresses the need for the figure to be able to exist in both”.

I have entered the process!…

And now I wait…

Excited…


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THIS IS NOT ME!

I need to break this… step away from… get back to Bo…

I’ve always written to release. I was told time ago that it’s a great way of clearing the decks. This has proved to be the case. I write every night. Leave the day behind so I can start afresh each day… as taught… a record/history for my girls… frustrations… mistakes… joys… hopes… experiences… and yes… the occasional feeling.

But I’ve never written to show before… except that essay or research for assessment… even my sketchbooks are private and closed… until this blog…

No point writing unless it’s honest… language of the heart… this ain’t no essay, research or paper for debate or speculation… I bore myself when it gets morbid… Sympathy is for the weak…

And yet… I wonder what the reader finds here? How does this translate? What images does it create?

I love reading. I love text and books. Words secrete as many visual depictions to me as images, hand crafted by artists…

I never thought I’d consider writing of departing teaching… I’m not a man who runs away from a fight… but… I like opponents that can debate reasonably… support their point, or at least follow the Queensberry rules… It’s the cowards way to fight from a distance on unsubstantiated evidence… to point the finger and suggest wisdom unsupported by relevant fact…

I’m not alone… http://adarkwhimsy.wordpress.com/2014/02/05/life-lessons-fear-of-failure-and-why-i-left-teaching/ … Thank you…

The artist…

Ah… the artist… That’s where the obvious escape lies… little by little it’s siren call taunts me… suggests a better alternative…

And that’s where I’m moving to… taking opportunities as they arise… engaging more fully in the drug – stuff the consequences to the sacrificed time from teaching…

This is where you put me…

Is that right? Do I disgrace the profession? Have I failed? Will I be deemed to be beaten?

I cannot win this dual… I’m outgunned… Nor can I yet “lay down” or walk away… that masculine pride that cares not just for reputation, but pupil progress… won’t accept defeat…

Besides… the corrosive erosion and doubt of ability and self… can’t be allowed to go on…

This is not a resignation letter…

Appreciation Mr Gove… goodwill… a little recognition… goes a hell of a long way… as artists, isn’t that what we crave? I don’t believe hard working, dedicated teachers are really any different… Why ignore your best assets? Do you honestly believe that any one of us wants to fail our pupils?

I wasn’t born a teacher or an artist. I had to work bloody hard to train in both disciplines. Is it logical to suggest that once I got there I’d sit back on my laurels and look for easy options?… That I wouldn’t want what’s best for my students?.. Pass on my hard earned passion?.. Is that the precedence my actions portray? It takes time and dedication as well as a huge amount of bravery to produce work for display… to present… to stand in front of 30 pupils, 6 times each day…

You belittle me… my peers… my profession…

Why not motivate me?.. Convince me of your argument?.. I’m now your disaffected, disruptive pupil… Tell me please… How will you bring me back on side? Will discipline alter my attitude?

I want to draw and doodle… your ill-prepared lesson doesn’t engage me… I have other interests… convince me that I should pay attention and not peruse those instead… make me feel… fire my passion…

I’ll give you fifty minutes… one lesson… I might send in one of my peers for twenty minutes… see what they think…maybe you can alter their opinions too…


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