The Art of Teaching.

I don’t really know how much I should write here anymore… I have been warned that this could get me into trouble… legally handcuffed. A sense of fear prevails at work… an apathy… the stench of defeat… people broken and no longer willing to speak out or up for what they believe and represent… do as we say or ship out… a succession of the brave now cowered and humiliated… or already gone…

Is there a new breed of leadership out there… fast tracked and trained to ignore its most notable asset?.. Dictatorships that solely promote government doctrine… statisticians of pointless data… the game being self-promotion… instant fix… instant success… in and out in a couple of years, but hey… great CV?

As a youth, I was anti-establishment. I had the Mohican haircut… wore the bondage trousers… rebelled against authority… But education… art in particular… altered my expressionism and matured an adult response… debate… thought through and researched response…

It took time… like all good learning takes.

It wasn’t instant… knee jerk… Time engendered new levels of understanding… thought and practice… I learnt from the doing, not the rote… success bandaged the mistakes and developed considered response…

So why am I falling backwards?

I’ve never come home from work before feeling royally shafted… but it’s a daily sensation. I’ve never considered looking for something else or questioning my motivation…

Art isn’t supposed to be like this…

Art has always been my freedom… my escape… my rescue… my inspiration… It has always eased my pain… repairs my spirit and feeds my curiosity…

I breath it like the cool fresh air on a winters morning, it brings me life and purpose… and yes… maybe I am naive to think that it makes others feel that way… that it is important… relevant… but I can’t think otherwise…

I was informed this week that English, Maths and Science are far more important… had time taken from Art to permit more time for these subjects… revision time…

I can’t blame the person who told me this… I understand their position… but a little later I was shown the new draft job description for my job that demands I support the ethos of the school… and insists that every pupil I teach makes at least three levels of progress during the time I teach them…

So all are equal?.. Everyone possesses the same capabilities… potential… aspirations?

I don’t mind this as an ambition. I think it right that I should be asked to bring out the best in every individual… but insistence?.. Contracted to?.. When clearly the results aren’t even valued or supported…

How can a person who has never taught my subject impose any relevance on the Art of Teaching? I challenge anybody who hasn’t ever stood in my shoes to do my job for just one day… and then tell me that it isn’t relevant… that other subjects should be given preference… that there is no value in it…

I’ve been trying to put this into context as an artist… education should reflect life. What role can artists contribute? Does it matter to them or does the “myth of the artist” prevail and have credence? Is this as it should be? Should we educators suffer as the artist simply because it is the “practice” that resonates between us?

I am more than this…

Bob Geldof on the Radio 5 Live last night… I paraphrase… “Maths gave me nothing… poetry and art gave me everything”. “I wouldn’t be who I am today without them”…

Is this an honest picture? Have I missed something? Is my bias prejudicing my response?

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It takes me time to consider and formalise the words that I place here. Seldom is this a spontaneous process for me… so I’m already pondering the wisdom of New Years resolutions… but I recognise that as sloth, sitting on my shoulder, insisting this isn’t necessary today… I know the benefits of exercise, and this is such.

I completed my New Years piece on the 1st… I’m happy with what was produced… self portrait of the freak… five years on from heart attack… I’m free to secure my daughters future a little better now – insurance companies won’t go near for five years after… wake up call… I am covered… was covered, but not securely enough… It’s the sort of thing that never happens to you… unheeded… until to late…

Wake up call. Thank you.

http://magis.to/f3h4DQIHRQkfDnIFAA

This coming Saturday I’ve been invited by one of my former tutors at BCU, to lead a workshop with Elena Thomas at the IKON gallery in Birmingham on “Collaboration”! This feels more like the artist at play… but leads me into unfamiliar ground.

Elena and myself collaborated over the past year on a venture entitled “One”, which some may have followed on our blog www.a-n.co.uk/p/2910921/
Our work culminated with a show at the end of last year in Ledbury, and for me it was a great learning experience… something I want more of… and… the show was well received by those who saw it – or so I like to believe!

We’ve met once already to discuss the session… Coventry, my first visit… stunning cathedral… stained glass and Sutherland tapestry. I like places of peace, but this was special… irony of history not lost on me. I loved the marriage of old with new… a perfect blend… the stillness of the forgotten, heated air still pungent in the original…

Plan formulated, I think we know what we’re doing… but it is that adult element that tickles my nerves… that daily teaching component… familiar yet alien… these won’t be no kids!

Peers in both professions… Intelligent and educated; that old fear that I’ll be out of place lurks beneath my skin… Not smart enough… not sharp enough to answer that unplanned for question… planned tasks not challenging enough.

I’ve taught adults before… formally… when I first started this present job… at the community centre next to our school. Adults come with high expectations… are there by choice… make demands… and worst of all have opinions; sometimes, set in stone opinions…

I’m going with my iPads… with new technology… possible new ideas, thinking and ways of producing… unfamiliar apps and process’… even in this way of working I steer clear of more recognisable ways to make… Brushes, ArtRage, and such like, aren’t really for me.

I stopped teaching adults because the majority wanted traditional… watercolours etc. My contemporary approach wasn’t appreciated…

Not that there is anything wrong with traditional… I embrace all forms of practice, but the “New” often holds unfounded fears… yet for me, that’s where the excitement of possibilities lies…

I’m not going as a teacher… realisation dawns! Thank you. I’m going as an artist; a collaborator; as myself! The one thing the partnership with Elena did give me was the knowledge that people liked and responded to my work… or put another way… the confidence that I could stand as an equal amongst my peers.

It should be an interesting weekend…

Compelled…

A fresh haircut…
Clean shaven and bathed…

The dogs walked… sunset observed stood in field; purple orange cloud, framed by clear emerald blue as front moves away revealing clear, star studded newness… dusk descends… ghost mist rising from the cooling land…

Cold, crisp air… a new image forms…

The girls and partner delivered safely to the neighbours…
Festivities begun…

The ritual begins…

D’yo’know… Many moons ago, as one of my rites of passage, this night gave excuse to party and revel. One of my favourite nights of the year, I’d plan in advance… weeks ahead… the venue, the drink, the friends, the family… only to reach midnight and miss the chimes… the community… the celebration…

Waking next morning… wondering… hungover… bleary eyed… vowing never to do again… until same time next year!

No way to start any day…

No way to start any New Year…

So I decided… to start the year as I intended to live it… to set the agenda… to ensure the practice…

The scene is set…

A portfolio review booked at The National Centre for Craft and Design in early February, ensuring I have to make work…

Another years project having booked my place on TEA @ Sketchbook Circle… another collaboration… my starting point already secured… sketchbook sorted and begun…

Application form for The Design Factory downloaded and ready to fill out…

Advice on new artists sort on NSEAD online, ready to be fitted into new schemes of work for school… never teach the same module twice…

Blog in process… commitment to write at least each second week…

New Year… new start…

16 years ago this year, I decided that on New Year’s Eve I would lock myself away and set the agenda for the coming year… I am compelled to see the New Year in making a painting or image to ensure my practice for the year ahead. Without fail, this is now how I start my year… fearing that should I not do so, my practice will follow example…

Exemplar…

Stretched canvas… quality paper… paints… pens… pencils… iPads… the work has varied over the years from surreal portrait of cat to spiritual dot painting and abstract musings… I never know what will come out… only that it will…

I love this evening…

First the silence…

Then…

Playlist ready… Sacred Spirit… David Lynch… Anthony &The Johnson’s… Agnes Obel… Enigma… my creator companions…

Zen… my meditation… I shall drift and float…

I hope for…

You ever get that?

Living in the image… timeless… the process of making… purpose… reason… oneness… meaning…

Art – the craft of making – is my drug. I can’t think of a better farewell and entrance to the year… feed the elixir… the buzz and slow comedown of the reveal after the passion of exertion… I’m ready for my fix…

A wise old man once told me that I’d been given a gift; that failing to use it was criminal…

I’m ready to be that which my creator made me…

I hope to be…

Artist…

I wish you all, however you choose to see it in, a very peaceful and creative New Year…

Now, where was I?

You don’t learn from what you know… you learn from what you don’t know! Obvious really, but oft forgotten me thinks…

I forgot… took for granted… thought I was safe… secure with the knowledge of a lifetimes gathering…

Complacency.

I love learning… seeing the new… discussion… debate… others opinions… researching… exploring – driving around aimlessly for hours watching the changing landscape – gathering those next images, or new versions to add to something already thought complete…

… but I can get lost in it… drift away… forget…

…. awakening to realize that what I thought I knew is dated… defunct… not as clever or relevant as it was…

The world moved on. I stood still.

How long?

So I’ve decided… already started…

It’s that time of year isn’t it? Nearly anyway… New Year resolutions… time for change… time to re-evaluate… time to be honest about those flaws… create change… take charge of ones own destiny again… evolve… wash away the 16 years staleness of the classroom… re-generate… revive… re-energize…

Get pro active…

I’m not really one for social media. I do have Tumblr, Flickr and Twitter (faceless) accounts; I withdrew from Facebook over five years ago, as I really didn’t understand why people wouldn’t want to converse face to face…

There’s my problem… my vanity again… an excuse to do the opposite… hide away… “these social media sites” I told myself, “encourage you to appear social whilst really you communicate box to box, screen to screen…dehumanized” – whilst I sat alone thinking I was better… more human because I didn’t subscribe! Pah!

I don’t learn… discover… unearth alone…

It doesn’t work…

I’ve loved being a one-man department… no boss to tell me what to do… no overseer… no recrimination…

…

No need to change… communicate… ask… seek out new… compare… evaluate… alter… re-visit…

And then it struck me! If this was my art practice?..

I wouldn’t; of course I wouldn’t.

I don’t just want to talk about teaching and art. I want to learn, view, compare, consider, consult… and not just with the voices in my head. I want my pupils to be challenged, inspired and up to date… relevant…

I don’t want to be found wanting again.

I need to make more effort with people. I need to ask for help, seek advice and opinion. I need to step out of my comfort zone and try and do that which feels alien to me… I need to stop thinking I can do this by myself.

First step accomplished.

I rejoined Facebook on the advice of my good friend Elena Thomas; in particular so that I could access NSEAD online and all the wonderful resources, critique, conversation and support that a one-man department lacks.

Initially I dipped my toe in by commenting on other peoples posts… no adverse reaction… no one laughing at me… good… so I got braver and posted 8 images created by my GCSE pupils on iPads…

Again, no laughter… no ridicule…

In fact; fantastic response… so grateful… nice comments, lots of interest… again no laughter… Thank you.

I’m feeling good to be a part of a community. I enjoy thinking about others requests for help and it gives me the courage to want to ask myself. It’s a community of ideas and solutions and has made me realize that this one-man department must seek further help and inspiration from outside. I need to do the same here on an, join networks and share and seek new ideas and inspirations.

I guess the truth is I’ve missed the work ethic and stimulation the Masters degree gave me over the two years of that study. Alone again this past year except for the encouragement and cajoling from Elena, I didn’t realize just how much I missed the conversation.

New years resolution; must make more effort.

At some stage I guess I need to explain my absence?… That’s not easy, because self-esteem gets in the way… I don’t want to be ill thought of… but I have to be honest… I am the example…

Exemplar again.

I don’t want to write this… is why I’ve put off for so long… No one likes to admit his or her own shortcomings… besides; I have the excuse – I have to keep this professional… not place myself at risk.

This is a result of self examination… not OFSTED inspection… its taken time… to admit…

Confessional.

Pride cometh before the fall…

Me… all over…

I worry that I am turning into a miserable old git, my humour and zest abandoned. I’ve always been the optimist… lived life to the full and tried to pass on my enthusiasm. A series of unfortunate, recent incidents have placed a huge dent in that… yet on the good days they remain insignificant… or maybe more realistically – manageable.

Self-pity manifests easily when the impression is negative.

Self-pity. Self-indulgence!

But the negatives are positives. Attitude and perception can alter their form, but reality, when accepted is far simpler… everything is exactly as it is… it is I, me, that sits wrong within.

Acceptance clears the path for progress. Denial hinders.

Did I take my eye off of the ball?

Did I put myself first?

My Art first?

Is that permissible?

Which takes precedence? Illness? Family? Education? Self? Others?

There are things that education can never teach us – that’s Experiences job…

Yet…

My life is spent in judgement!… you, me, them, that…

Try turning it off…

Is the “Art of Teaching” simply not to judge? Is the “Art of Teaching” simply not to judge others? Where does that lead? What does that leave?

16 years into my teaching career, for the first time 7 months ago, OFSTED found me wanting… “Needs improvement”.

Brought to the school after two previous, consecutive outstanding judgements by a single anomaly in figures relating to the discrepancy of attainment between male and female pupils, (both still well ahead of the national average), and 2 days before my GCSE moderation visit that gave me my best set of results to date; observed for twenty minutes by a non specialist inspector whilst I taught one of my Year 9 show lessons; found wanting for lack of writing in their sketchbooks, my initial reaction was to tell myself, arrogantly, they were wrong!

I can still feel the burning residue of that resentment now…

But were they?

Honestly?

Its not their findings that count… its my judgement of myself… and if they stirred that… good for them. Would it have hurt if they were wrong?… Only the truth hurts!

I knew things were wrong… we all did… just not with me! Funny thing denial… easier to point the finger… your fault, their failing, weakness…

God it hurt!

My daughter decided to come to us rather than go to the Grammar… her choice had to be supported…

…So I had to look honestly…

I’m not saying this is the only reason… hindsight… but a key factor?

I want my daughters to have the best possible education available to them in the schools that they are in. As a parent that is my right of expectation… as an educator it is criminal neglect if I am not offering it… but truly… I’m the only person who will ever know if that’s the case or not…

Relevant evaluations…

… filter into every aspect of my thinking. There is real danger here that I start making the case for institutions that I disagree with. A borderline I can easily topple over…

So lets compare to artwork… bring it back to what I know…

Honest subjectivity?

What makes a great painting?

Taste? Preference? Price? Medium? Effervescence?

Art reflects life… is life – so perhaps the same criteria apply? Does that make me art? Is that the moment I seek… hung on the wall… complete acceptance?… Just being… being at peace with myself and the world around me?

No verdicts?