University of Derby

do I have to live feeling disappointed?

a quick check of the dictionary, there’s a time element to the word disappointed, either being stopped in doing something or something that has been done not being as it could be in the view of the person who has done the something.

today I’m the second version. today I’ve been to the building in derby that is ‘…a gallery, cinema, cafe bar and workshop that anyone can use. it opened on friday 26th september 2008. we provide facilities and services that connect people and businesses to art and film, creating opportunities for entertainment, education and participation. ‘ (taken from the website of the building.)

today i’ve been to this building to try and see a piece of my work included in a season of work displayed on the ‘digital screens.’

today i’ve again left the building disappointed. the season having not begun on the day originally advertised, today i’ve left the building after being disappointed by no curatorial information about the season on display and further disappointment that the exhibition information is still that of the previous exhibition. it hardly seems worth mentioning i’ve not seen my work yet, it was that disappointing.

i feel I have to share my experience, as all of us in our final year of undergraduate study will be working towards having work shown in buildings in a public sphere. why should we be disappointed by people running the buildings?

mairi mentions what it’s like in to be in glasgow right now. feeling you’ve not been taught and not having enough staff time and support is just like the experience at derby. it’s disappointing. i would really like to know why winchester school of art, part of southampton university, claims to have the most satisfied art students. what are they doing that everywhere else is not.

mairi, maybe the students are not lazy around you in not doing anything about it, i would go far as to say it’s about you not knowing where to and who to complain about as there is clearly a problem finding someone who cares. if those in control cared about you and the building, you wouldn’t be faced with this vicious circle. at least the experience of those in control not caring is being instilled in you at art college, so it will not be so much of a disappointment when you get outside that system.

am i a mutation, am i the only odd one out, not being happy with the way things are. evolution partially works by copying. If there are no mutations, the copying just keeps going on, unchallenged.

i don’t have to live feeling disappointed; i can do something for myself to address the imbalance of disappointment.

do you remember bs 5750?

it got replaced with iso 9000 which added one and there it remains. it's a quality system. it's a system of ensuring a quality across a process, to ensure some sort of commonality amougst process bodies. i heard it once said that if you iso9000'ed a shit system, you'd be locked into a quality shit system.

has fine art become a genre? i understand genres have rules that make each genre identifiable.

rules state certain limits of process.

am i part of an educational process with limitations not set by the students.

am i part of a system that requires me to acknowledge the limitations, so to prove what i have learnt.

i can answer that i have completed and handed in my essay. i can say that i've received a verbal mark and endured a tutorial. i can say that the system seems to be one of suggesting that what has been done so far could obviously be better, in the staff's opinion and as they are practioners themselves, don't actually have to be specific about what would improve it in their eyes, but instead leave a game to be played out again.

if fine art is a set genre, why muck about pretending it's open and interpretable. why not just hand out the set themes that are in circulation and alllow work to be made in the circle there in. why pretend there is complete creative freedom, when clearly there is not.

cheers.

i had a good day today,

20.01.09.

i've nearly finished my dissertation.

anything else going on ?

moan moan moan, moan.

oh moaning, morning.

agh.

i didn't get a good sleep last night and i've woken up in a grump and all i want to do is

moan, moan, moan, moan,moan maon, moan,moan maon,

and now i've got repetitive strain so my hand hurts and all i want to do is moan moan, moan, moan.

not much of the dissertation left to do, head feels foggy coz i didn't sleep well and if i get the chance i am just going to moan, about it.

it doesn't help that the area of research for consideration for the essay is making me question how come fine art adds so little to the public good. is that because of there just isn't that much good fine art, or is that the mass media has such badly written stuff about it. or is it that it's a combination of the two. or is it that i'm in a grump and all i want to do is moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan moan?

easing back into comfortable shoes.

it's thursday of bdo world darts week. disappointingly the wizard was dazzled and now returns to oz to prene and wait for another contest.

adams has got through, yet again making a lesser player look useful, somehow adams just knows how to play darts to a competitve entertaining level.

big shock of the second round, the defending champion going out. interesting to hear him being interviewed after the match. he'd worked hard last year to win, he'd put out fitton who looked uncomfortablely good against the wizard, this year. the resigning champion stated that come next monday he could go back to being a league dart player, not the world darts champion. i sat watching in disbelief that someone could imply that achieving a goal could then lead to so much misery and unhappiness.

surely if one works hard to achieve something, on it's achievement the satisfaction of that leads to confidence to do something else. johnny ball had talked about confidence in the afternoon while playing trina gulliver. she's not travelled to pdc territory, unlike last years women's champion.

hankey blew through to the next round, not a particularly inspiring match, the main thing is he'd there, i hope that playing a more imposing opponent might get him to up his game and provide an exciting match.

one new thing within the championship this year, the people's champion, or some such name thingy. non professional players were invited to take part in a charity tournament, with the finals taking place at lakeside during the world championship. i'd not realised that this was happening. in the afternoon i watched bobby geogre mentor a chap from dunoon. geogre spoke of how he wore the same shoes each time he practiced and played. like a variable that had been standardised to allow better performance. as it's a sport, performance is everything. they talk alot during the championship about it being about the game on the day. it becoming a notion of winning or losing, of getting it right or not. that's sport and competition, it does come down to a right or wrong.

in creative practice, it's not about right or wrong, it's about conversation and opionion. i converse with my work, others have opinion about it. through the degree, i am learning that me thinking about other's opinion is like a dart player worrying about his opponent. the dart player simply has to throw darts as best he can to score and get doubles. time and time again, i watch games where a player visibly loses his confidence when the other player starts to score better. like the dart player, i need to keep focussed on the work i want to do, enjoy that process and wait to see what other opinions are like.

and like an undergraduate, i need to focus on a dissertation and why my feet are so cold right now.