in this third reflective post i aim to unpack the miriad of activity within my thinking this week. a week that began with a conversation with my accountant.
he set a body of thought rolling. hobby or business ?
it was a hard body to stop moving, so much so that actually rolling with it seemed to be a better use of my energy.
this morning over additional breakfast with coffee i’ve visited all the possibilities connected with hobby or business.
a moment to collect my thoughts. writing is such a pedestrian activity compared to firing synapses. after multiple firing during coffee where am i left now?
i feel happier.
this is important as when i’m happy the world has a blue sky. with a blue sky, all is possible and those around me smile more. this is important for me and my family.
my family are important to me. it’s so beautiful to be able to write that.
i want my family to be happy and do well and to be able to be there for all the downs and the ups. sharing the ups is what makes the whole thing meaningful.
in my year of 12 applications, how many ups have i been able to share with them? not as many as i’d have liked to. i consider what i’ve been trying to do. i’ve attached myself to a model that doesn’t bring the best out in me.
this week i’ve been searching in me for a model that does.
at this point in the process of refelction i need to choose how much to share with you.
i’m being honest with myself about the model of making art where i leave where i live to be somewhere else. as much as i’d love to be able to do this because of being able to immerse myself on my world and my thoughts and what i make, there are two aspects of it that leave me feeling awkward. firstly it’s a little too much like my career before going to university. i actually want to do something that i feel grounded and sustainable in what i do. secondly i play such an important roll within the family home that being away from it places too much on those at home. there’s a third thing too. my written applications for such opportunities are actually rather weak. they must be or else i would have had better success this year. i could analysise this further of course but i don’t know if it would prove anything.
just returning to hobby or business for a moment ….
business implies profit, according to my accountant. this implies selling something. where am i on this ? current models of selling and profit centre on capitalism. it’s a system that has many advantages and for lots of people it is the system that makes their lives a better place. for me the thought of making something to sell for a profit is awkward. the thought of filling the world with objects that i make purely for profit is one that has no meaning for me. this is underpinned by my knowledge of thinking to do with how the world consumes the natural resources of the planet and the near 50 year long intellectual concern that this useage might not be possible for all of time. i’m interested in concious evolution at a time of possible futures.
i’ve spoken before of zizek’s “it’s easier to think of the end of the world than it is the end of capitalism”.
in thinking about this i decided that i believe in post capitalism. an oak tree by criag martin caused constanation in year 1 context and confused the hell out of those of us new to the concept of modernism and post modernism. it was a leap of faith that it could be within both schools of thought.
post capitalism includes capitalism within it. it actually requires it to exist, otherwise it cannot exist.
is it a coincidence that my writing has no capitals ?
as i get to the end of my 12 in 14 blog i can see the benefits in keeping it that i could have never known without keeping it.
in the new year i plan to pursue another interest alongside my interest in what i can create. it comes down to me accepting who i am and accepting that in accepting it i can be happier. being happier helps me to create and be a better person to be around.
i plan to keep a blog about me and my progress. i accept that it’s not going to set the intellectual world alight and aim for it to be a place where i can share my activities and findings.
the new blog will also have some space for the notion of hobby. this is exciting for me as this means i can include the #ourcupoftea challenge. it’s something i’ve been working collaboratively on developing since the summer of this year.
out of my failures i can see a continuation …. so it’s all good xx