this post is written to the following sound track.
so the good news is that i’m calmer now about the whole big lunch extras thing. there had been quite a lot of upheavel and i wrote and spoke about it and it all levelled out.
there’s been sad news today re the death of robin williams. i read a statement from his wife asking for privacy at this difficult time.
personally today i’ve been feeling under par. a totally self induced condition from actions last night.
i’ve been blogging on the corridor blog today as we prepare for our go and see bursary visit. looking at the blog it could be easy to think that it’s all about the website. to some extent it is as this is a guage of the confidence felt witihin the group.
that particular blog is set to receive some updates in the coming weeks as i lay down a record of the process connected to the bursary. in some small part this blog is connected to the bursary. i’ll explain that in a blog post i’m yet to make ….
so today in my unsettled state it would be easy to be full of self pity and make myself feel a whole lot worse.
this would be particularly dangerous given that i’m still trying to negotiate with transition belper to create a project for them.
my approach is to get people involved. i’m doing this by various means and trying to get the some if not all of the main members to be involved in activities that they are speak most about.
between you and me i’m uncomfortable with some of the aspects of the way in which the transition movement conduct their message delivery. without being specific at this time, i am in effect trying to find a means to move a little away from the bits i’m uncomfortable about. in doing this i look to make what i propose doing to be relevent to the time we live in now, attempt to attract members of the public who might have previously not heard of or prefer not to hear about transition movement.
time will tell if i’m succesful at getting my project idea adopted. the other interesting point is connected to payment. i’m working on the project so far as a professional artist. it’s taken a massive scare and wobble to affirm this position. in real terms my professional earnings are low to the point of being embarressing, however my approach and discipline is that of a professional artist. so at the point where me confirming that i will want some financial renumeration for the making the project to hear that this might cause a problem amoung some of the members so there will be a need to be transparent, i rather became unsettled.
time will tell if my lack of protest and lack of finger pointing approach is not extreme enough for the group.
my time at the extras camp showed me that it is possible to do positive activities in one’s community because actually getting together and doing things is one of those basic human requirements.
i hope that my percieved gap between extras and transition is not there and i’m yet again being over sensitive.
in the mean time i continue to work at being centred and relaxed, so the inner monologue does not take me to somewhere where nothing happens.
added about an hour after publishing the post:
i recognise a point in this post that needs reflecting upon.
before diving in … about 10 years ago i drove a car. i went places, i visited people. at times i became uncomfortable in the presence of people. i knew not why, i didn;t understand and i was not in the head space to find out why.
one particlar trip i got very drunk, to the point of being an embarressment to myself and my very generous hosts. i had to stay an extra day.
in that day we some how got onto the subject of the french revolution. this was something that i didn’t know much about. i knew it happened.
in our conversation it was put to me that the french revolution was about one group of people saying of another group of people that they thought they knew better than the other. they replaced the first group.
along came a third group and did the same as the second had done to the first. it struck me that this form of revolution was rather old hat now.
some time aftert his visit i was in japan. in an evening conversation my notion of intelligent revolution started to evolve.
i wonder if it’s acceptable if i were to say that i would prefer a group i’m working with to work differently. this is why i’ve come come to add this note.
on reflection i’m actually not saying it of the group. i might express a dislike of another approach and approach my own project differently …. what i am doing is accepting what i don’t like and doing my own thing. i’m not proposing an old school revolution model, it is old hat after all.
instead i’m effectively propsing ignoring the bits that don’t resonate with me and setting out to have fun.
so i might to say to a friend of something they don’t like ….
ignore it and have fun ….