making words – making marks – making soup – making plans. after my wobbly week i sort this week to get myself back into a better frame of mind.
its not until i drew out my connections to what i’m interested in i got a clearer idea of why at times i feel a little stretched. in amongst it all though is my need to be with people and feel i’m involved in something that i’m present and connected to.
i may have talked previously about the two new opportunities that i’m still waiting to get going.
i do have another recently begun connection. i’m mentoring a young person. all i can say here is from the training to the actual action there is quite a move and i’m needing someone to talk to from the organisation to help me process what i’m feeling. this is on back order.
this week has provided me with a forest school session that is firmly on my top 5 most memorable. it was tuesday – raining – chucking it down. from the last session we knew there was a want to make soup. we made soup in the rain – everyone involved loved doing it and it tasted fantastic. we also discovered how much fun can be had drawing on the under side of wild garlic leaves. i had a sense of achievement and pride at the end of the session.
the rain was in contrast to the day before while i sat in a field and chatted on the phone with sue ball. sue continues to be involved with the arts and heritage strategy of the museum of making at derby silk mill. we chatted about lots of things connected to the project and other life things in general. i also told her about shimmering place not making it into doc fest. i wasn’t disappointed about this – i sensed this would be the outcome – if i were to be absolutely open with you. the thing is though that i felt and those around me felt that the project was suitable to submit.
the submission process being another part of informing how this tranche concluded.
over the years i’ve documented many disappointments connected to submitting. i’m still submitting – less frequently now – and each time i submit the process of submitting in itself become beneficial. at a personal level some success would be nice but ‘m becoming more resilient – i’e learnt to submit and not care.
this week saw me making another birthday card for my friend in norfolk. probably now for over 10 years i’ve made him, his wife and their two children a birthday card each each year. a few years ago they told me how they keep the cards. i don’t know if they still do. i begin to imagine an exhibition of the cards year by year. my friend will have a gap for his birthday 10 years ago. jerry hope had recently passed away after illness and i was too distract to honour my card making.
i’ve been using my personal journal more lately to record and try to make sense of all the mixed emotions an feelings happening at the moment.
i’ve finally updated my phone. when going through the past images i found this one – i love the intensity and looking at it now i find it quite challenging as i’m forcing myself to look at part of myself. its easy to do when i talk or write about myself – this image holding something i don’t fully understand yet.
well – my last post was a bit dramatic ! i wasn’t feeling too good. i’m recovering from a self diagnosed vitamin d deficiency and there is a possiblity of something else as yet undiagnosed.
my previous post caught the moment – a moment of knowing i need to address an imbalance of work i’m making for myself, or at least sourced from myself.
there are currently two aspects to this imbalance – i mean two trains of thought that are on going yet currently not being regularly talked about.
the being involved with something yet not regularly talking about them is a feature of two opportunities following successful interviews earlier in the year. i start to ask myself if its something i’m doing wrongly – am i simply too patient ? i do know that in these opportunity instances its a factor of those directly involved in the opportunity.
so today i reflect that balance is there – its simply how i look at it.
one of the aspects of practice i’m considering currently is do i need a mask / a persona to set up space for me ? its something i need to explore with those involved in an ongoing musical based project before expanding here more.
when i do many things for others it makes me aware of me and my needs. my needs being compromised by inherent mental patterns that are difficult to walk around.
and then there is tiredness.
this is the single most challenging factor to my thinking and being. even though i know this – when i’m in that space its still difficult to grasp that my view is warped due to the time spent working.
perspective – moment – sleep.
this post is in part trying to reassure readers of the previuos post that i was simply having a bad time – today i can see clearer what it is i need to do. i knew this last night – wanted to do stuff last night – had to admit i couldn’t and should rest – despite being keen to get things done.
i pause for a sip of tea.
despite being busy and well connected i’m feeling sad and lost – uncomfortable.
i’m aware of this and have started taking small steps in an attempt to get back to a happier place.
i write this to my future self : your feet stand upon foundations you have made – there is no need to doubt upon what you build. there is no need to doubt what it is you are building. when you wrote this – it was the beginning of where you are now – look at how far you have come. look at what you have around you. reflect and enjoy what you have done.
wrapped up against the current cold i find a warm corner to record and reflect upon what i’ve been doing lately. the young coproducers network and on going research for the skin and bone trio.
the network, funded by an artists room bursary is enabling the derby museums trust to research and develop more opportunities for young people to become involved with the museum.
working in a coproduction model allows for those taking part to explore their own needs within “how might we….?” type questions. derby museums work within a human centred design ethos.
last weekend the network had a projection mapping workshop. a member of the network is interested in how might projection mapping be seen in a gallery and had a demo version of resolme to play with. two further projection solutions were shared : cyril and freeliner.
i shared freeliner with the network and a couple of them played with it and started to understand the concept and ethos behind the project. having only recently started playing myself, i think its a testament to the usability of freeliner that i’ve been able to share how to use it in a workshop situation.
we placed some simple shapes on the wall and freelined round them, manipulated the templates and discussed what was happening. it was great to see the faces of the netwrok members light up with enthusiasm and joy at making freeline patterns and shapes.
i personally think freeliner is an impressive work by maxime damecour. its built in processing and has an array of features that makes freeliner very open to use and very much allows for delving into ones own schema type for creating and projecting patterns and shapes.
i’m at an early stage of understanding and i gel with the notion of learning through play, experimentation and practice.
this next image is the output of freeliner syphoned into isadora. its a gif (click on it to view animation in gallery mode). the gif is relevent as this weekend the network at the museum is making a gif / meme workshop. i’ve been playing with both app and browser based solutions and am loooking forward to sharing what i’ve found and being part of the group leading them through their own gif/meme creation using the galleries of the museum as inspiration.
to close i’d like to share with you my discovery of a stream from the international space station. parts of it are not live when the station is on the dark side of the earth. last night we worked out that if we could travel at the speed of the iss it would take us a tad under 2 seconds to get to derby. a bit too quick so for now the public transport options are just fine.