before i start to write, i’ll drink tea.
i’ve walked around, drunk tea, felt the breeze on my shins and checked on the timer of the oven pyro. filled by mug with more tea and sat down.
i have a break.
stand, drink tea. pause. sit down.
listen to the repetitive beats.
scratch my head.
check my phone.
i sit. this time – this time i’ll start to unpack what this week has been like – i will start to expand on the slightly tough time of late.
it was tough until i said to my partner “it’s been tough of late”
we discussed her tough times and we all felt better.
last week i made a submission to a bbc / york university opportunity. today i am able to say i’m still in the game – more news maybe friday.
i’ve been considering new work. in making this consideration i have to share that i still do have a fear of what i make not being like i imagine and because of that fear potentially might step away from the idea. this is not so good as the net result is i get further away from what makes me happy – doing.
i strive for a balance and i admit the pivot point is still relatively unknown and i seem to hit upon it fleetingly in a cyclic manner.
i think back to my mind mapping in april and i reflect that i need to take what i drew and make it easier for myself.
the new work i’ve been thinking about has a centring around my personal struggle with the balance between the natural world and the man made. sitting inside at a computer on a glorious sunny day, writing words – the thoughts of carving with green wood. the code of nature – the codes of human.
i have to break my thoughts – get up, pour tea.
my mood was lifted last night with news of a successful submission to a project in new york. more about that in the coming months.
having a bit of success makes a big difference. i think i have got too complacent with my no fear of failing with submissions – quite the opposite actually – i expect to be unsuccessful because that’s the majority result. yet still i apply.
sense of humour is important to me. lightness.
random sentences at near the end of a post that i’ve sat down to write and through a personal conflict of wanting to be active and making, responding – have been a little half hearted in my writing.
this about sums up the last couple of weeks.