the house is quiet save the odd piece of noise forcing its way through the double glazing from the road and the ubiquitous internet hub timer.  my nose it tickled by the smell of a fresh coffee waiting patiently for my attention.  i get myself comfortable to compose some words of recent events.  the silence is punctuated by a dreaming puppy.

undeterred by the sudden sonic interuption i begin to order my thoughts in an attempt to work out where to begin my storey of the last few days.  i decide upon an order based upon most impact with other people.

this list is headed by yesterday at derby silk mill museum.  ahead of their third conversation was the auderv of a catch up session with friend and forest school for men idea supporter.  in an open and honest conversation we made some progress with the idea.  this morning i’ve written this up on the mhfe website.

the main course in the mill yesterday was their third conversation event “stewardship and sustainability”.  before this arrived an unexpected taster of the non linear film made for the museum.  still in its draft stage, the museum has it being shown on a large plasma screen complete with touchscreen.  i got really excited at seeing it.  the sizes and resolution of the images working really well and i learnt something about user experience too.  the pre-release version of the film is available to watch here >>>>>>

onto the main course of last night.  once again sue ball did a brilliant job of leading us through four very diverse speakers as we explored sustainability and stewardship from both practical and academic viewpoints.  the hour worth of presentations took me on a journey of scale of thought.  from manageable through to …

a moment please as i’m not sure how to put into suitable words where our last speaker took me to.

i savour my coffee, observe the sleeping puppy and muse my blank thinking.

at the event last night our fourth speaker took us into the realms of the green agenda finger pointing “should” paradigm.  i first experienced this while a student and even back then couldn’t resolve the pardigm into anything acheivable.

with the presentations complete we moved into q&a.  i sat and listened as the questions explored greater amounts of psychologically unsettling topics.  once again i started to experience the aspect of the green paradigm that in my opinion keeps it from becoming something that is adoptable because it simply becomes too large, too scary and too difficult to do anything positive with.

i resolved to ask a question.  my heart raced and i waited for an opportunity to construct the question i needed to ask to release the personal tension and angst the discussion had created.

i introduced my question as “i have a project”.  i felt the immediate attention of the room upon me. using the internal nervous energy i forged ahead with my question. “i have a project” i continued ” it’s not going very well so i invite the panel to help me. ” my heart was thumping in my chest by now.  “what advice can the panel give me about the words i can use to encourage our teenage daughters to spend less time in the shower at home?”  the room simultaneously broke out in laughter. from the back of the room i heard the exclamation “yes!”

a hubbub started and several conversations were suddenly happening at once.  my heart began to calm and i continued to talk.

the event closed still with the hubbub happening and mr smith of smiths of derby came over to me and shared his thoughts on the question i had asked.  we shared stories about clocks and i listened to the storey of the 18th century clock that took 4 hours to do a complete revolution.  of course relative to the standard one hour revolution, it wasn’t readable and didn’t catch on because adaption to a four hour revolution wasn’t popular or on trend.   my thinking and research for a linear clock has had an unexpected boost.


out of the window this morning i see a flat monochrome sky.

in front of it a flat green tree and flat brown bricked buildings.

my cup of tea is empty and the puppy is pressed against my right leg.  i spend some time to look at the green tree and remember our recently departed beloved dog maybe.

she was 14 and the time had come for her to leave us.  the past week has proven to be a difficult one.  messages we’ve received have helped us to remember what a wonderful dog she was.  for me she made space and i felt really happy to be out with her, proud to be the man who was with her.

tears swell and create new paths across my face.  i sniff a little and caress the puppy’s head.

it feels good to cry.  to be connected to the emotion and not afraid to let it show.  i’ve learnt that this process is good for me as it does lead to a calmer more centred emotionally relaxed place.


my emotional self is levelling out now after speaking of maybe and soon i’ll return to thinking about my practice.  before this though a quick blurt about general election.

already in the first few days there has been much written about the event in the mainstream media and i expect theres vast amount of new writing still to come.  personally i look at the political process and despair at it.  i find myself looking up to articulate, educated intellectual individuals whose public conduct and professional pride belittle the importance of the process they are involved with.  i don’t know this to be fact of the individuals, merely my own position relative to them.

so to make things a little more exciting…what if the political tv debate process was modelled on this?


now i begin to smile.


when i re-iterated my website this year i made sure there’s a place for me to be playful.  being playful really helps me to push through the bad times.



time to focus .. to practice.

hang on though….

i’ve had something really good this week ! after two rounds …. i’m 12th in the moto gp fantasy league game.  in three years it’s the highest position i’ve held.  all the trying and practicing  paying off with progress and a being in a better place.



i’ve starting playing with drawing machines.  digital for now with aspirations for something analogue too.  the resonate frequencies within each drawing loosely talking about resonate emotion around loss



i reach for my newly filled cup of tea, sip, swallow and smile.  memories of good things in the past and expectations of the future.



sometime around the end of last year a friend contacted me and asked if i could meet up with her and a friend who was embarking on a film project.  i of course said yes and duly met up, shared some food and conversation and offered what help i could in relation to using music in her film.

just after i completed the recent iteration of my practice website i received a message from the woman with a question relating to the film.  “can i do some recording?”

we exchanged correspondence and last night i spent a lovely couple of hours at her home with another mum and son recording some spot effects for the animated film.

it’s done me a world of good to feel useful and like i know what i’m doing as of late i’ve been really struggling with this.

this morning i’m still aware of putting recent set backs behind me and i suspect that over the coming months there will be moments when this proves to be a challenge.

it’s time to get loose ends tidied, to have a break and return recharged.