It is exactly a year now since Cosmo died and I have not got another dog.
The commitment to dog ownership is massive and I have not had a knee jerk reaction into replacing the hole left by his passing, as the commitment is considerable.
This responsibility and commitment is a double edged sword, because that responsibility is what I am relieved of, yet that is what made the relationship between us so worthwhile. An emotional investment I loved, yet not willing to embark on so soon, or even maybe ever in the future.
Cosmo was not just a pet.
Though I can’t say he was a working dog, in the sense of a guide or hearing dog, my independence has not been diminished since he went. He was what might be described as a co-worker and I am not ashamed to say how much it cut me up when went. I think some people say what’s the feckin deal, a dog move on.
I enjoy talking to people who own or had dogs and I take solace from their stories.
Grief is cyclical and comes in waves and I am still unable to walk along the local coast line or in the woodlands without considerable pangs of grief and melancholy one year on. The places, the paths, the trees, the seasons, the birds all triggers to some kind of sense of loss. Perhaps a testament to how Cosmo connected me to the natural world for which I am truly grateful.
I am proud of the tribute I created to him in the woodlands. A spot I visit sometimes where the crows, the ponies, the trees, the flowers and the deer all merge together into a place of equality. A place where I am embarrassed and apologise for how we treat the planet, as if it was there only for our benifit. Sharing….. a concept not on board.