I am heading rapidly towards my final mentoring session. I have not achieved anything that I thought I would – yet. My goal was, and still is, to work on a body of work. Connected pieces, a series, a sequence.
I have been buffeted about by the circumstances and I’ve tried to take the side alleys. The side alleys have not worked out. They have not worked out for reasons beyond my control – pandemic, not being selected from not one but two shortlists, and opportunities that shift in the sand. I was hugely frustrated and whingy at the time, but now, I don’t really care about the side alleys and I *think* I might be more focussed on my main aim as a result.
I have always believed that I need to be flexible, adaptable and respond to change and circumstance. Take opportunities as they present themselves. This can be, and has been, very positive in much of my career. However – I can also see that this can lead me away from a central path. On the other side of being flexible is being easily waylaid and distracted.
Mentoring has allowed me to shift my perspective and foundation of what I am aiming for and try to establish the path that is important to me. A big part of this was the hour-long whinge that my third mentoring session became. It was a huge relief to get my frustrations off my chest with someone who understood where the frustration was coming from. It has helped dig me out of my hole, admit to myself that I do need to focus on just one project right now.
I can see at the outset of this blog I said that:
…Now it is time to find the confidence and resilience to develop my own ideas on my own terms…
Another reason for the side alleys is that they avoid my own ideas on my own terms. I have avoided posting to this blog (I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve pushed it back down in my to do list) for some long while because I’ve been afraid that I have already fallen and failed. But now, as I write, I think I am recognising my fears of my own ideas on my own terms, and that I can push past the fears and continue on. Ready and much clearer on what I want to do.