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i reflected over night about something i wrote yesterday.  the overall form for an stallation that i am currently programming the guts of the idea.  it’s connected to adding to the chaos, after what collings said back in september about his paintings with briggs being a slow working out of order from chaos.

so this morning i picked up a pen, it was the first thing to hand and started to make so marks.  why oh why do i forget that drawing an idea makes it real !!

something i’ve noticed in making the drawing is i’ve let go of the technical thing of how it will be made.  after all these years i get why the technician isn’t as important as the ideas person.  the artist is the ideas person.  the idea is what it’s about.

this morning was adrenalin filled.  i get a buzz from completing the words to submit to things.

ummm … i need to reflect on that.  i get a buzz from compiling words to things that i feel i start a chance of.  now  … later i’ve returned to levitity and begin the process of waiting.

waiting this week gives me a chance to catch up with bdo darts from lakeside.  i’ve watched the fitton vs norris match.  if you’ve not seen it yet it’s well worth watching.  in fitton i see someone who has a confidence compromise senario that as an artist i often feel too.

fitton has the skill to make high scores and hit the doubles when required yet he still has a part of his psyche that stops him truely being himself … really letting go and believing in his ability.  coincidentally he is of a similar age to me too.  it starts a train of thought about how in the sixties the adults might have been having an amazing liberated time but for those born at that time there was still quite a lot unpacking going on from the previous 20 post war years.  it’s a total speculation on my part, there might be an academic somewhere interested enough in researching it.  i think to do so they would be born in my generation and be looking to prove a theory.  the good thing is that the unpacking has completed in the most part and in the current generation i beleive that the confidence compromise senario has wained.  just look at the youngsters playing in the world championship this week for an indicator.