Just got back from a brilliant week in a bunk barn in South West Lakes. Bought 4 raw fleeces from the farmer, so got a big job ahead to process the wool – never done it before, although I got some idea what to do when I was in Kyrgyzstan.
I'm back in the studio reviewing what happened last time. After all that wittering on, I am pleased to say I got stuck into a new big project instead of making a scarf. Getting started is always the hardest bit, so at least now I've got something to sit and stare at and respond to.
I seem to do lots of displacement activities (is that the right term for it?) – buying new materials, researching processes, reading related stuff, the time never seems right to actually start making.
Then all of a sudden it will take off and I won't be able to stop til I drop. I'm not at that stage yet though – I'm making a felt house (about the size of a garden gazebo), and am doing lots of research about how to put text and drawings onto the felt. Also continuing experiments with varied translucency/density of felt and projected video. I feel lucky to be an artist today.
I just want to say that I've also had some wonderful moments recently in relation to making art. I saw Pipilotti Rist at FACT which set my mind firing off in lots of directions – loved it : I've had a good response from Wendy Clews, (Director of Create in Scarborough) to my proposal for a new installation in a hotel room for Coastival: I've got an idea for my next piece of work as part of my ACE funded research and am looking forward to collaborating with Rob McKay, sound artist as part of this research. Maybe I should stop being such a moaning old bag and enjoy this time of plenty while it's here!
I've snatched/ demanded a few hours in my studio after having a minor rant about how much f****ing domestic work I do at home and how much I resent it. Partner pointed out that in some ways I am very priviledged to be able to spend 6 weeks at home with the daughters while he has to work. Pile on the guilt I think. There's nothing more frustrating than being told why you should be enjoying something when in all honesty you just don't feel satisfied by 'bottoming out the wash basket'. Whatever the F*** that is. It's all the rage round here though if local mums are to be believed. Hrmph.
Not sure how to use these precious few hours now, and if I make the wrong decision I will feel even more resentful. I need a sense of achievement before 4pm. Here are my options (after all, when in doubt, waste more time writing and prioritising a list I always say).
1. Design and make a very beautiful rota detailing all the domestic chores, how often they need doing, and divide them between household members using a proportionate system depending on how much time they have available – might need help with the maths for this.
2. make a beautiful silk and felt scarf for my friend Kath who is 40 soon.
3. rummage through the big pile of notes, drawings, and rambles that I have collected over the last 15 years – I think they are going to be the starting point for a new project.
4. Use the big shared warehouse space while there's no-one in to look at some of the 25' long felt pieces I've been working on.
On balance I think the scarf is the winner on this occasion – the other ideas are too big and I'm learning not to set myself up for failure.
It's been a funny few weeks. The exhibition is ticking along without me now, and it's school holidays so my mind is consumed with stuff children need. I can't even specify what it is that fills the day, but it makes my thoughts feel like they are dipped in blancmange. Not unpleasant but not going anywhere.
I had a great review written about 'Left Behind' -www.hightidemagazine.com – so that's a buzz. I plan to make a book documenting the piece, and I need to start making plans for my next commission – an installation for 'Coastival' in Scarborough.
But I just can not work out how to keep mum and artist going at the same time – to be honest I'm knackered from trying. They are two different people, and neither one cares about the other that much.
By the way, for the record, I am (so far) not suffering from a personality disorder. This is something different.
