You just don’t even want to know how much moaning I’m doing lately. Bad back, migraine, tonsilitus, car won’t work, schools shut, snow…
I’ve started work on my final report to ACE. It’s satisfying to list all the positive developments over the last year or so. It’s in keeping with my general state of mind – reappraising and evaluating everything. Maybe I’m looking for ways to get out of a rut.
I feel like I want to go under the radar for a while, follow my whim without so much analysis and public documentation. I feel like there’s some burden of expectation – and while I know the only pressure comes from myself, I still feel like it would be nice to remain private for a while til I get myself back together. A fallow period perhaps.
Maybe the blog is dwindling to an end for now. It’s been great for helping me shape my thoughts, evaluate my progress, promote myself. It also causes me stress when I think about all the posts I never wrote.
But is it the right tool to use in a phase of soul-searching? Surely that would be boring to read, like someone tells you their dreams. The danger would be that I would go all out to make it entertaining, and in that act lose some authenticity of the process. In some ways I feel that happening already – I’ve somehow created a character for my blog, and now I’ve lost energy for keeping the story going.
There again, I’d be nervous of ‘losing touch’ if I stop – blogging makes me feel part of a community.
So- that’s me – indecisive as ever.
