Portsmouth December 30th
Wake at 3.23am ‘Fear o clock’ Listen to radio
Wake at 5.08am due to cat
Wake at 8.27am Listen to radio
Last couple of days been reading blogs both arts, sciences & aspergers finding a wide range of styles approaches and accessibility – access not only with reading but terminology and understanding – problem is everything – seen – heard – read – examined – always through those literal glasses – my shade of pink – tinted aspie filters
Have always felt its others who should understand my thinking and feeling because although I can understand ‘why’ I am still unable to ‘see or taste’ or conform to any other way.
Spend 24 minutes in front of SAD lamp
With aspergers I don’t feel there is informed choice over my ‘like or dislike’ – if ‘like’ its 100% if dislike its 100% and no matter how much efforts to do opposite there will be failure – Not an option – destined to only socially learn what is preordained for me to learn. Arts – Sciences – systems of all sorts but not the ‘human condition – as an accidental consequence I very rarly depict people – exception: Liberty’s in the 90’s – never include them in landscape photography – its the landscape that matters – that landscape learnt and read before I learnt to read about it – answer all the questions of what lays beneath.
what happens when, if, uncovered
Early artistic desire was beaten out of me at school – instead a turning to all science inspired by my Father – uncovering a natural ‘understanding’ for systemizing – have never heard the word refered too untill 2011 reading about ‘aspergers’ – knew one thing though early on – people were too unpredictable to ‘systemize’ satisfactorly – fingers burn still – baffling
turn to pencil instead.
Desired systems – depopulated – honest – untouched – learnting to trust solitary systems and the patterns attracted me – why – actions – learning now – it makes sense.
pages of book,
detuned radio signals