‘Distressed – I sit for a while with a fallen tree and keep her company’
Portsmouth October 29th
I’ve not been able to put pen to paper (well type) for a few months now on either blog – an abundance of imposed fears have held me by the throat promising me I will be better tomorrow ‘you can write then’ but always letting me down with a broken promise 24 hours later.
These next few posts are a catch up in brief on some selected moments of that ‘missing’ time on a new project that has grown from ‘Konfirm’ project’ Not as such visual arts but self examinations of thought and spaces.
October 14th Portsmouth
Hard to break free this morning – I have to let go of the tiredness that ‘not sleeping’ has laid round my shoulders – gradually this has crept up again – but – today is the first of 3 days with an actor from the forthcoming project – we have been trying to meet a few weeks now and he has had to go to Germany – he was in London briefly a few weeks ago but flu had riddled me with distractions.
We both have emailed images and looked each other up on line so as not to walk past each other – I doubt that – he is to visit me first – he wants to meet and see what who I am – the synaesthesia – the aspergers – the autism – how does that effect ‘me’ and the work I do?
How free
do I be
with me?
answers – a choice – all or nothing – but this series of conversation and encounter are to inform not cover up so settle on all – braving any misrepresentation with an echo of safe
Meetings at the University first – encouraging meetings about ‘Autism and Art’ – its questions flood and force me with an urgency to find answers – then I walk to the central station early – he’s already text a successful train catching so I’m just waiting now for ‘miles’ to be covered
I loiter
in-front
of barrier
wait – Train in – wait – and he walks down the stairs – we catch eye straight away and after passing the barriers we greet
we walk to find a space to sit and talk and end up in the Guildhall tea shop – relatively quiet at that time
Then I let him choose a stone – to carry – to stim – an integral and steady friend – he chooses the one I had in mind for him
A short List of conversational words found in stirred shared Tea
1. Theatre sleep
2. The Ice man
3. Eye cultures
4. Wink
5. Action beliefs
6. See the unseen
7. Knees & swept
8. Restrain
9. A December home
The time heads without a colour grey with formed surfaces as the lunchtime crew enters raising the sonic level to unacceptable so we leave – we head to get something to eat at another popular lunchtime venue but after
lunch
hunch
pays off
she is empty
we eat
Italian
parmesan
and continue
conversation
we compare notes between mouthful
1. Mnemonism
2. Improvisationism
3. Mundanism
4. Parallelism
5. Permissionism
6. Autism
7. Ordinaryism
8. Absurdism
time to go
walk patiently to the station by screen under arch last snatched conversation – all now in the laps of the gods after goodbye
suddenly
found on parting
i am tired
we have been
talking six hours
I leave for home – walking slow in the sun thinking of the phrase – ‘Included eyes’
I feel still
