‘come you lost atoms’
Portsmouth
November 1st 2013
A second day of catching up with blog posts – I am nearly there – much has happened but that will stay silent – unwritten – unknown – I am sat in the dining room net book on lap – it takes me longer to write as I can never remember the order of the letters on the keyboard and my motor control is not the best – drawing yes – typing no – it doesn’t come naturally to me – I don’t work well with dictation software either – disappointed – fog still clings to the inside of my skull – an ‘impediment’ you could say – its cold – the cats are scrapping and there is movement next door – too much movement next door – stampede – I am not able to leave the house today – I am folded in a strange way – self sufficient in the wrong way – its dark – gloomy outside – I can feel the tangibility as it grows darker – it will be raining very soon
wait
wait
wait
wait
soon all is quiet – cats asleep as the rain starts in bursts on the plastic above me – a fine but ardent rain sporadic
I feel myself
Disintegrating
fragments falling
at each tick of the clock
with each passing heart beat
I am less
imperceptibly
than i once was
This afternoon then
I need to make
draw or make sound
I do not care
desires – compulsions
to keep
Active
I must fight against
the mental origami
the origami that wishes me tight folded
and unaware
Maybe
just maybe
free
to gather all my faults
and bring them to dance
and follow
to stare into the lake
and see
