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S E Q U E N C E E C N E U Q E S S E Q E N C E

Portsmouth 20th May

as I write 22 days to go

Today was a Busy day

experimentation

first: Update the recorder by downloading the instruction sheet – read and scope the process – next download the update – copy to recorder – switch on and update – fingers crossed it will work – fine – update done

Second: Learning to use the sequencer – gather bits together including two synths, a mixer headphones and many leads – after consideration take the feed out the CV and gate outputs – wired up – start – run back and forth – use random note attributions rather than those for the project – grapple with the Dark energy’s for 5 hours straight – twist – turn – run – reverse – twist – turn – listen – feel – turn – alighn – copy – listen – watch – adjust – refine – refin – refi – ref – re – r

hypnotised

I watch

substituted emdr

leds flash

on

off

left to right

stepping

its ways through

my memory

sorting

ordering

seen even

with eye shut mindfulness

wake – head fuzzed but have learnt – tidy – forget to write notes -take photographs instead

Thirdly: Tidy away – label and number – Spend rest of evening listening to set sequences and track construction on Ipod before laying awake as the fears take hold – shrug covers and settle lower protected by cloth

just

just

just

lay there thinking of pencil on paper simplicity

I am overwhelmed – I think i need years to experiment with the system and create all of what I have written already and then hours to listen – i will be only able to create mere fragments of the complexity possible – fragments of the journeys across the face of the system left to right right to left

sleep

?


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I systemize therefore I am

Portsmouth May 17th

27 days

Wake

early

from

dreams of

I collection

Hoard order

Memories and place

like empty

wrappers strewn

upon a well walked

passageway between

tottering library landslides

of moments ready to slide at

any minor movement cutting off

any retreat that may be possible at

all

Friday

spend time answering

spend time emailing

pend time thinking

spend time visiting

spend time crying

s spend time alone

su spend time

suspend time



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‘Embrace me – pass through me – leave me’

Portsmouth 17th may

28 days

Coming back on the train the other day I have to close my eyes but can feel my skin burning invaded by the ‘shine’ intensity – i can taste – feel it touch me – pass through me like Xrays

I’m not sure what it is about yellow that scares me so much – its always been that way from an early age – fearful yellow raincoat that when locked inside gave me protection as well as headache

It makes me feel quite ill and have used this to a fashion in my early artwork including the Turbine Hall day installation of line and sound in 2008

synaestheia seems to be more ‘available’ to people with aspergers (spell check wishes to change to upsurges) it seems – never knew the name till a few years ago – (spell check wanted to change this to sunbather) ironic considering what the Tate piece was about – i wouldn’t have it any other way – as I taste and feel sound as 3D object- sound is important as raw material in my work for the project

I wrap

my arms

around its

self-contained potential



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The library of fearful pattern

Portsmouth – Brighton – Portsmouth

Patch

worked

Yellow

Knife

edge

Strip

Seen

Less

if

I Sit

Low

in my

seat

and

peer

Over

the

window

edge

from

my

imposed

ledge

accessing

that

growing

library

of

fearful

pattern


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Expensive Tissue Hypothesis in an age of austerity

Portsmouth 14th May


31 days to go

Woken early by the cat finding a purr place between us

Spend morning on last catch up for admin and some research – now I am free to work on the ‘final’ sound for next 10 days straight – annoyed its raining – leave to head to ‘month of the brain event’ – showing Konfirm images today and an audience member for the 3 talks

Arrive early at the Guildhall as McFly are rehearsing in the main hall – q of teens outside oblivious

list 2:11pm – 5:07pm

Walk in rain

Set up images on black clothed boards

Choose place then move to another table

Talk to another attendee about fearful patterns

Eat a scone complete with cream and jam

Photograph orange on the table

Move carpet fluff away from my feet

Listen

question

pay attention

to the talks

Exhibiting the brain (Dr. Marius Kwint, School of Art, Design, & Media)

The evolution of the human brain (Dr. Bridget Waller, Department of Psychology)

make comprehensive notes all way through

lost in another direction project can take

break – go on line on my own

How the brain interprets the world (Dr. James Ost, Department of Psychology)

realize its over too soon

take apple as instructed

fight way past teens

walk in rain

Is there any comfort in knowing our ‘social’ brains developed for and are most comfortably developed for groups of up to 150 friends

where does that leave me with my ‘aspergers’ brain?

I will take some time and sit on my own to c

o

n

s

id

e

r


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