This blog post is being written whilst I am drawing, the huge surge of thoughts and ideas are positively coursing through my veins, I thought it best not to lose these ephemeral thoughts altogether so have decided to jot them down as I go, my hands, my elbows and my fingers ache from sitting almost motionless for hours inches away from my drawing. Here are my thoughts:
So I have been engaged in some of the most intense drawing sessions ever this last week, I now know how deeply involved with what I am doing I get since realising I had been concentrating so hard that I had been gritting my teeth for about two hours – so much so my front teeth all ache.
Getting involved with something as seemingly simple as dots on a piece of paper (the element I’m focussing on at the moment) is a strange thing, whilst slipping into a trance like state I consider what way gives the best and most even finish, if one way of movement injects more life than another, if drawing towards myself uses one side of the brain more as opposed to the other and how it influences my thought – and vice versus.
There’s nothing like a deadline to help me realise just what kind of levels I have begun to work at. Just how massive the tasks I set myself are and how they manage to skew my own space time continuum. How they suck up vast amounts of time into seeming nothingness – this is the process, the result is the supernova of the process. I’m sure this makes no scientific sense whatsoever but to me – to me – I understand it perfectly.
The act of drawing, as I do places enormous stresses on me. Trying to stick to such a rigid studio practice is hard, it’s tough – but when I see that finished piece…when I see it, it makes me feel calm, it makes me feel relieved, it is satisfaction objectified.
I have never felt this hungry to achieve something with my art, I don’t know whether this is inward and personal or outward and career/ life wise – possibly some of both. The passion within me right now burns like a star blazes.
It’s a strange thought to have been working on something that by its nature changes every time I interact with it to feel like I know it so well, I feel like a know every facet, nook and cranny of this drawing as if I were born and bred within its undulating forms. I look forward to seeing the drawing each morning as soon as I wake up and my eyes have adjusted to see what it has become, almost akin to a chrysalis yielding a butterfly, even if no one else agrees with me what I do here gives me immense and unmeasurable pleasure – which I cannot be find anywhere else on the face of this earth. To me what I do is valuable, it is unique and I love it.