So having completed another piece and submitting (and being accepted) to an online gallery I feel I have made some modest progress…and I’ll be honest – I’m really effing pleased. I feel as if this small progression has helped me to feel that what I am doing is worthwhile, that developing my practice is a forever ongoing pursuit and the hard work I put in will MAYBE…just maybe bear fruit one day.
Reflecting on the last week or so in terms of my practice I am filled with excitement and optimism to think of my future results (in terms of drawing) holds? I can constantly feel my subconscious self awakening and sharpening with every touch of pen or pencil to the paper and this is helping me to become more thoughtful in what I am doing and perhaps a little more considered. I am spotting more and more flaws within my work – maybe as a result of an eye that is slowly becoming keener? I find this exciting as it is work that I am still relatively pleased with so to stand and think I could do or that better.
I hope you do not read this and think this is self reverential drivel…obviously it is self reverential but I can hardly talk about someone else’s practice…what I mean is I am simply feeling optimistic – and under no illusion that I have many mountains to climb in poor weather – it’s just I have found a welcome plateau and a break in the weather on which I can reflect on a few small sucesses.
So my practice is still trickling along, I am still wondering if what I do fits with where I would like to end up, what I would like to achieve, can my drawings hold there own with others? These questions although always inhabiting the area just below the surface of my conscious thought are not really that important in the fact that I love what I do, I know it will develop as long as I put in the work and remain motivated.
The problem I feel I am having at the moment does relate to the above questions and the reason I mention them is this: how do you know you are developing? How should you inform your practice? Does it even matter if my work is repetitive? Surely zooming out to the bigger picture and the notion that we only live once as long as we enjoy our time and spend it as we see wise, should we even really worry about these? Clearly I am waxing a little poetic about these everyday thoughts and issues I need to work through but I think – at least for me – the person I am looking at things sometimes in a more reflective, poetic (even?) sense can really help lend perspective to things.
Perhaps poetry should be the way forward?
So my first blog entry in over a week. I have been working mainly in various sketchbooks ambling around different ideas. I have not completed any “finished” as it were due to responsibilies outside of my practice – which in time gone by would of completely halted my work, knocked me out of routine and nothing would happen for months on end. However, now, I have learnt to recognise this and reverted straight to the sketchbook to keep things fresh, bubbling and accessible. Whilst this could be seen as a small personal victory for most – probably not even a victory; for me it is a large milestone in changing habits (brought on myself) that have strangled and stifled the production of my work over the years. This fact will forever fill me with regret over the lost years of activity. I guess I could speculate and what if until I’m blue in the face but what’s the point? It would – no it is a far better use of my time to get my head down and keep working – in whatever form that takes. Perhaps this blog helps in the form of self assertion of some sort, whatever it is – it works for me and helps me and my modest practice to keep evolving.
I have had a lot of time to work this weekend due to having a near empty house, as a consequence of drawing so much I have had the luxury of the experimenting with existing techniques. I have begun to make a drawing which has thus far taken two days of work. Within this drawing I reached a point earlier on this evening in which in order to push the piece to the next level I needed to take a risk, make a leap of faith if you like; which I did – and it paid off (in my humble opinion). As well as giving me a surge of excitement it also showed me the way forward within my own practice – at least one of the facets it has.
Today has been hard work but bloody satisfying – immensely satisfying and in fact I felt my work is beginning to evolve and gain a little richness. I couldn’t love this anymore than I do.