Multiple rites of passage – something we are good at in this country.
Portsmouth April 17th
Annoyingly the pattern fulfilled and awake 3:52am
Avidly avoiding Wednesday’s monosubject words on radio to snooze untill 7:34
Sit
Watch TV
quiet streets and quiet words
Diversion one – from poetic part of project:
Its becoming one of those weeks where correlations in patterns appear – a bit of a diversion from the project but today of all days the words ‘rites of passage’ echo true. I did watch the TV this morning – not with any hope or expectation but as a uni student of the late 70’s early 80’s living in South London – through bombing campaigns, strikes and protests – plus as a Navy connected family who lost a relative in the Falklands – it was a marker point – history personally – no matter what your views or politics – today was closure for many people for a multitude of reasons – rites of passages we all face at different times
This last week I have had it Konfirmed that I am aspergers – not just a bit on the spectrum but certainly ‘high on the scale’ as it were. I was shown I was dyslexic in 1999 and this latest finding along with the EMDR has meant closure on a certain part of my life and acceptance of the new.
I had a frightening time at school – not because I couldn’t or was stupid but because others couldn’t understand me the way I was. The bullying I received from both staff and peer lead to hiding from drawing for at least 10 years and a lifelong ruck-sac (till now) of heavy rocks to carry. I always blamed my inability to be all that social on this but its only partly to blame it seems – I have had to learn to socialise I do not have an inbuilt view – social society – for me it does not exist – though not in the wider sense as some have said
I have learnt to be social – effort but worthwhile even when I slip
I also received a letter from the new head of Arts Council England, thanking me for my 5 years contribution and work as member of SE Regional council. I has been an honor to serve through a very interesting time – london 2012 – change from RFO to NPO and not forgetting impositions of Funding Review ‘coping with cuts’. I have always spoken and suggested what I feel as all aspies do – but with the heart of an artist. Its more a thank-you back to ACE:SE that I was listened too, learnt and for the great art experienced and friends I made along the way inside ACE. Some of these people have or are about to leave and I know that years of KT is lost to ACE and from all of us collectivly through this – the real ‘price of Cuts’ but their knowledge will transfer and disseminate outwards to other organisations in the arts sector with the heart of an artist – another rite of passage for me and many others.
‘energy cannot be created or destroyed – it can only be changed from one form to another’
