Viewing single post of blog energy flash : ludic play boots

in this post i aim to reflect as well as off load.  i need to off load the feelings generated while working within a project.  the details of this project are irrelevent as it’s not about the project – it’s me and my wanting to be happy during a wet and blustery sunday afternoon.

in reflecting upon my week and now my weekend i know i need to do something to make me feel better about myself.  needing ot be honest with myself about what i might do i have some lunch in mind followed by spring cleaning one of the rooms.

i dial in an old familiar you tube video to help me attain a happy place in my mind.

time passes and lunch is eaten.

tea is made and placed on the side to cool.

reflections made as to wether i am as unhapppy as i think i am or if this is a construct based upon physiological states and needing food.

what i do know to be the case is the constant running of scripts in my mind that i have absolutely no influence over as they are in the recent past and they did happen as a linear event and i did react at the time and the net result is a feeling of a position the event left me in.

need for super dooper emotional intelligence to let it all go.



my hope here is that by commiting to writing this i feel less burdoned by the thoughts i drag around with me.

why do i drag them around ?

they are dragged around because i am incensed by some the manner in which a meeting to resolve something has set up more things to resolve – more questions – more frustrations.

i pause to look out the window.  the dog beat me to it so the view of teh scurrying clouds is marginally obscured.  i try to find the metaphor in this image to help me understand what i feel i’m in right now.

what am i in right now ? i feel angry.  i feel more angry now than at the time.  i’m sorry if i’m talking in riddles – it’s necessary because i can;t actually just come out and say what the thing is.   the organisation has done well as setting this up as the norm.  hearing what it is –  isn’t something that is encouraged.

i have not felt listened to this week.

putting on a continuous brave face is tiring – especially when i need to do this at home.


i have to sit for a moment and listen to what carl cox is playing – reach for my tea – check out my relationship with the window.


[time passes]


[time passes]


[time passes]