end of march, i’ve eaten and it’s still light, time to write a post i thought as i walked into the kitchen with my dinner plate.
with the lighter nights comes a happier andrew. for the rememberable past i have struggled through january to march with increasingly deepening moods – it feels like seasonal adjustment disorder and each year at about this time as i feel i’m starting to come out of it i tell myself i really should get help with it.
this circular action needs to alter next year.
somewhere in the world there is a bluesky and today it was near me.
april tomorrow and with the new month comes an energy to do somethings differently within a couple of projects i’m currently involved with. no need to go into details here, suffice to say it’s been emotional and at times has felt personal. i see and am aware of this now so can reflect and move on with renewed good intention and drive to do well.
today as seen the first grass cut of the year. i enjoyed making the image of my work.
i take a moment to consider what else i’d like to record at this time.
this afternoon i got stuck a little in obsessing about the detail. this is good in some situations but when its within a conscious train of thought this obsessiveness leads to unhappiness.
i pause again to listen to some
Paul Kalkbrenner – LIVE
there are aspects of myself i don’t fully understand and at times am slow to cope with.
what i do know is the slowness is a part of my dsylexia- its to do with processing. when i work in situations where spoken word is the main activity i am working so hard to stay with what is happening that by the end of it i am very tired. i dare not to let this show as i want to keep working. sometimes though it does show. i do think of myself as disabled but work hard at not letting this get in my way. it does feel at . times thought hat this is inherent as my confidence is so flimsy in some situations.
i pause again, edit the title of this post.
there are times when i bottle up everything because it feels like the situation doesn’t allow for self expression. the perennial debate is connected with just how much inner personal stuff does one reveal in a blog.
this particular is for a broad non project specific audience so i feel fully at home discussing the broad topic of life’s rich tapestry.
where there is a specific project focus with a target audience, the personal needs to be kept well away. how has this become the rule ? is it a rule ?
it’s about the story. in specific project settings the story is the thing.
i see how in this blog the story is about me. so it’s ok to tell you the things on my mind, the things i struggle with and the things i love.
i pause again.
the original title for this post was something that included the word review. i mention this right at the end as i’ve remembered in recent times i’ve been open and confident to start to ask for help. this is something i am not very good at because over the years when i have asked for help some of the time it’s been met with a negative response – this leaving me feeling vulnerable and resolving not to do this again.
in the ever increasing men mental health debate there is pressure for men to speak more. i put it out there that when someone asks for help, in whatever situation, the stock answer might be … what can i do ?
i pause again.
what can i do – doesn’t need to be about the action it might infer – its about the conversation and letting the asker feel they are heard – being listened to.