Konfirmation systemizing: Revaluing Autistic Thinking – Autism Research Centre residency

‘Day two’

11th August 2013

Disappointed with clouds

So watching Hannibal instead

With subtitles as OH sleeps

And cat sits on our feet

Unequally

‘Day one’

10th August 2013

Wind
Flow rushes
Bow and bend
Caressing
The river
Edges
As
Hair
Falling
About your
Face
Brushes
Mine
On each
Return
Of
Unspoken
Passion

VCO – VCF – VCA + ADSR

9th August 2013

So the last day working before an ‘self-imposed’ 2 weeks off – I have had to give in I have no choice – Tuesday I ended up on an EEG machine in severe pain then tests – lots of tests (before naughtily heading up to London for two meetings – Look About in at ACE National Office and then Portcullis House – I had missed the first one about aspergers research) – So Fridays here and will get results later today if anything is seriously wrong – take a break – you must take a break – Artist 247

booked time off

I need to concentrate on today – the documentary we are filming needs some more footage of the synthesizer with explanations.

Were are booked into the studio at the University so pack one of the individual modular synths up replete with cables – tidy myself and order taxi.

Arrive and settle and wire the synth up from memory (hah the bigger picture in the system) – test with a ridicules but brilliant ‘casio’ midi controller I bought at a boot sale in 2006 for 50p – irony.

smile

film

play

explain

retake

sorted

As we finish an hour or so later phone goes – timing – listen – nothing physically wrong must be stress/tiredness – explain I am having some time off and will see him after that – fine – artist 247

chat

un-wire

the synth

pack within case

call taxi

travel

rest

what’s next?

‘This time I promise not to listen’

Portsmouth – London – Portsmouth

8th August 2013

I sit on the train without words – they were used yesterday along with a hard choice on Monday – my mind made up I need a break as am struggling – I re-read yesterdays twitter poems and hopeful of what today may bring from the 2 meetings – one with a publisher interested to tell my ‘story in picture’ and evaluation of Konfirm project.

I wish i could write today but they have flown.

My head pressed back into seat i close eyes to read

Publishers: The day goes well – The underground is deserted as I make my way to the Angel – a short walk bombarded with pavement treasures (documented) and I’m sat talking to the Editor – shes good it goes well – I lay image over word describing my experience since I can remember – child-like – I don’t need to die to see my life flash in front of me – DVD style aspergers brain – there is good and bad in this skill. The meeting ends positively – something to work towards – am found – this I ‘need’ although sometimes depression barges in and lies to you………….

but

I wont listen – I promise myself this time I wont listen

—————————————-

I walk an unfamiliar road willingly

—————————————-

Konfirm documentation: The British library looms over me as I meet with Jo outside – we enter and sit in the cafe – an attempt to sort refreshments ends in aspie-failure before I get to the till. Jo gets the coffee and we start the conversation – I learn watching the central core of books – a break and while Jo is absent a man approaches me – ‘you look like a professor would you like to join us later for our current affairs discussion group’

Secretly pleased at my promotion I politely decline and we carry on

Later I leave – sure its all over – battle the underground hell and Waterloo – home without words

I need to stop now

I need to stop

I need to

I need

I need me back

I need silences

—————————————

7th – Written in with Mozilla

Tread light
her
Patterned
Space
Hexagonal
Contact
slate grey
Enable movement
banish fear
As I sit
Chrome reflected
Eating dried strawberries

& written on the journey

She skims

Low

Over

Wheaten

Bedrock

Tracing

Tiny

Hidden

Flight lines

Entwined

Neatly

Over

Brow beaten

Footfall

At

Ninety degrees

Of innocence

—————————————

‘Hidden in the trees we speak’

Portsmouth – Cambridge – Portsmouth

August 1st 2013

Today marks 2 years to the day I first visited Professor Simon Baron Cohen at the ARC Cambridge in 2011 and here I was again on my way there for what I thought at the time was my last official project visit – to film for the documentary.

I mapped that day in 2011 carefully – My Mother had become very unwell and had been admitted to hospital a month or so beforehand not expected to leave – so even though she was now home we chatted and I told her all about the day and potentials that could happen and she told me to go.

I did.

This time I went bearing different burdens in a long sleeved shirt.

not

an

early leaving

but

Fast

fields

Recede

Bearing

Crow felt gifts

Dark

Stark

Against the blued sky

As calm I sit

Stirred by orchard

Soft word

Of praise for grey

We arrive at 12 and catch taxi after the 2 train journeys – the underground was easy despite the multiple bags we both carry – lights – camera – tripod and stands – an easier burden than what I was carrying inside eat in into me.

Eased by arrival i am emotional – it feels like home – familiar in a personal way – a life exists there – how can you never get emotionally woven within your work?

in and badges offered – we have the run of the place

we are made Welcome….

We chat. Lucas sets up in the orchard – the trees call like the first visit – hot sun – so we move unexpectedly to the trees and film within the wood – thankful we can see a bigger picture.

We spend an hour with Simon – another lifetime of learning in 57 minutes – questioning – interviewing – filming – walking – giving.

lunch beckons

At peace within the wood – we stay – we film – we chat and film the interview – ‘its changed my life’

—–converse—–ation——-

Pack up – Some more shots before Taxi comes out front and we head to the station. I hide my tears at leaving – not bitter – clean leaving family tears

Journey home feels different – Underground – Waterloo rush – milk-shaked home 14 hours later

rested – renewed – able

eight

oxytocin
asperger
autistic
Genetics
Spectrum
amygdala
Maternal
Complete