there’s not a cloud in the #bluesky, it’s 25 degrees and unbelieveably i’m coming down with a cold !
i’ve taken sanctuary in the living room and time to reflect upon recent goings on. the tired unhappy not feeling it place has passed and instead is a more upbeat optimistic outlook.
last week i caught up with with sue ball – the arts and heritage producer for the museum of making. we sat and chatted through my working prototype describing the transition to the museum of making – or if you prefer… the making of the museum of making.
during that conversation i did get to talking about not feeling like an artist – something i do slowly orbit. the pressure point being what does it feel like to be an artist ? if i were to be open and honest with you it’s possibly not at all about feeling like an artist and more to do with my perception of myself relative to those artists who are at the pointy edge of what it is to be an artist.
the fact that we were having a conversation about something i am making with a considered response to something places me in the field of artist and in the moment of conversation absolutely feel like an artist. without the conversation it would be easy to fall into a feeling of not being an artist.
we’re about to start a sequence of events with derby museums #themakory. it’s about a year to the opening of the museum of making so the makory is now coming into it’s own as a space in which prototyping of activities for the new museum takes place.
over previous months i’ve worked alongside the museum’s workshop manager and as he readies himself for the soon to be commissioned workshops there’s a space for me to explore on board the makory.
since having my headspace back for a few weeks i have had feelings about reconnecting with my outside practice. it has had to be on a slightly back burner while my time has been taken up with programmes now completed. its a case of waiting for the weather to cool and to step outside and get amongst.
we’re nearing september and thoughts turn to accounts and getting them ready for the accountant. it is a real effort to do so however the reward of getting them done and sent early is immeasurable.
today something has lifted – as i pressed send on the email enclosing the final invoice for a year long school project i realised i can stop.
the head space that opened up was very very unexpected. we’ve a couple of days away next week and the timing of this is adventure is spot on.
the other magnificent thing is that when looking at my diary for september it’s currently quite clear and you know what i don’t have the knot of anxiety this might have generated in the past. my landscape is not as baron as in previous years. i can rightly sit with the massive job well done feeling since pressing that send button.
the feeling of being able to relax from pushing is so liberating.
there are some things i would like to reflect upon and in particular the process of play and how this scales with age.
for now – in a wanting to relax and stopping pushing – i’m going to leave it all alone.
“john cooper clark is on dessert island discs.”
me: “no way !”
immediately i had a dilemma – completing the clearing up or taking in what clarke had to say. i worked it out and my life is better for the experience.
it’s left me upbeat – dare i say – inspired.
clarke is a figure who i first saw perform in suffolk. at the time i was in need of positive influential figures – on the same bill was attilla the stockbroker.
new to me was clarke’s 17 year addiction. taking that in my stride i enjoyed his take on what being on dessert island discs might be like.
my relationship with the cultural phenomenon is one that leaves me – usually – questioning. there are so many stories of lives – my own storey needing work on so i can be at one with it – aspects of it that is.
the thing that always draws me in though is what their musical choices are. does selecting a series of tunes help to define us as a person ? yes if that’s the intention. with clarke it was a careful selection with integrity of meaning throughout.
later an old friend popped in for a cup of tea. we ate crumble too.
post crumble we caught up. i explained about the commission at the silk mill. he works as a project planner on a large site in london, it was interesting to share my experiences of being on site in derby.
i described them and shared how at first it felt like a new world, taking my time to explore and find my feet. he understood and agreed with my strategy of being gentle at first about being on the front foot. it’s actually being really helpful as a reflective process to share and talk about it. in all i said he nodded , got and agreed with how i’d approached what i had done.
there is some work for me to do in terms of how i cope with when what i do doesn’t go according to how i would like it to – it takes me some time to get to a position of being ok with it. having now written that – this slow processing is possibly connected to my disability. during the time it takes for me to do the processing i can become hard on myself and this slows the processing down. with practice i will evolve this situation. clarke showed me today that it is more common than i realise that one’s own storey can evolve and become more positive.
i’m looking forward to the coming weeks.
