i begin writing while dinner preparation is happening in the kitchen. i’ve been treated to an eclectic selection all with the low drone of the cooker hob extraction fan. as i write i hear the inspirational voice of freddie mercury belting out a tune i really love yet can’t think what the title is – it’ll come to me … oh there it is someone to love – correction – somebody to love.
sounds of potato mashing. i take a moment to save and prepare for dinner.
my plan for today didn’t involve what actually happened so this evening i’m feeling good and at one with the world.
today i’ve spoken with sue ball about the silk mill non linear project and the beginnings of the third tranche and contemplating what follows that. can you contemplate something that is yet to happen ?
alongside this i’ve been doing a little more work on the next iteration of the snee snaw. this one is much small than the previous two and a bit like the tour that followed pop mart by u2, it gives me somewhere to grow into.
this afternoon i started to figure out what this iteration might look like. i looked for items around the house and eventually settled ( for now ) on a form that really pleases me.
there’s a lot of talk about work life balance and for me this also includes work practice balance. i think at the end of 2018 i wrote something keeping hold of my own practice while doing work for others. today has been a good day for this.
i take a moment to listen to our neighbours shouting, an unwelcome feature for over a year now.
the two projects i’ve spoken about have points in time associated with them. i contemplate what this means for me.
it means a lot for my own self esteem and confidence in myself. it means a lot for my thinking and my making. writing these now they seem so naive and this awareness pulls against what i’ve just described. i start to wonder why is this ?
i can’t actually answer that question because the question is related to a deep routed feeling and one that i work to manage. i’ve mentioned recently the intervention in a project that affected me and again to some extent that feeling is amongst the other stuff.
part of my coping strategy is music – this is what i’m listening to at the moment (19mins in).
i find the need to talk about or at least be honest about how i’m feeling when things get a little the wrong side of the line. i feel at ease talking about this within the context of my own practice as there isn’t any immediate reliance place upon me by others. i feel this is why it’s so difficult to talk about one’s current mental health state in any workplace.
changes in feeling and mood are part of what it means to be alive. i find it interesting how in our formative years those around us have such an impact. is this why they are the formative years ?