“i appear to be approaching a mirror” i wrote as i lay waiting to fall asleep. i was thinking about a blog post and several confluences of thought.

i have been thinking a lot of late. you’ll be pleased to learn that the thoughts are positive, nurturing and forward looking. the high levels of vitamin d are helping for sure.

of the confluence of thoughts, the main flow are around a pop up exhibition that i’ll be doing in august. it’s a risky time of year to mount an exhibition and risky that there’s only about a month to publicise it. accepting the risks, the main positive about it is that i’m exhibiting again.

it’s been three years since being in a formally designated art space as an exhibitor. in that time i’ve been making and doing things and in accepting the date in august have immediately connected to how good a point in time to work towards is.

the date in august comes close to the back of the Belper art trail project. i’ve joked with friends that if i hadn’t done that project that the august exhibition would feel huge and daunting. in reality the opposite is true. being part of the trail organising group has helped me get some perspective on my own practice.

recent tributary thoughts are connected to this blog, well in fact to me myself. i reflect that my title of this blog has been professional development. in what you might describe as hard, maybe the title should have been professional stasis.

to briefly connect with a sporting analogy … my progress as a racer has been held back by the machinery that i was using andi have been unable to step back far enough to be honest with myself about where i was and where i was heading.

just maybe my progress has been equivilent to the sports person first learning how to lose.

at a practice level this is to do with accepting things about myself.

so at this point i’m going to take a moment to step away from the mental self harm that has been part of this blog in previous entries, however useful that has been and will continue to be…

in taking a step out of my safety zone to mount the exhibition, i’ve done so in as a truthful and honest way as possible. i’m allowing myself to describe the works as mechanically what they are. i’m making space for the audience to meet the works and i’m mentally strong enough for the audience to not get or like or want to see the works.

i accept that audiences for works are limited and my exhibition is me being confident enough to make it. i accept that maybe just maybe not many people will come. i aspire to an audience of 7. i would obviously like a larger audience however i cannot possibly know until the day how big the audience will be so until then i will write honestly and invite all those people who i would like to be there to see what i’ve put together.

i’m giving myself space in which to roam with my ideas.

i’m intentionally aware of audience finding connections between the works and will welcome their findings.

to help me, i’ve written a blog post in which i describe the works and describe for the audience how this is the beginning of an investigation into my practice becoming an engaged practice.