A blog, especially one here on a-n, is not just for other people, other artists, to read, it’s for myself. I have been feeling a little rudder-less, and needed to look back at the process and progress to see where things are going. Sometimes when you look back you can see a clear path, trajectory, or can see that you’ve wandered away a little, taken yourself down a cul-de-sac.
I had another rejection email. This now means that the flurry of panicky-post-MA applications have all gone away. To be honest, that’s a relief. When I came away from the MA I felt free and successful. But these rejections made me feel out of control, judged, and failed. So I’m not doing any more for a while – maybe never. They did my head in. I know that’s the way it goes, I’m not so naive I don’t realise that I have to submit loads to get one positive response but I don’t think this is the way I want to go about things. So I am now – for a while at least – going to control my own destiny, or at least do things that give me that illusion! I am going to be very careful about who and what I say “yes” to. I am going to do what Bo suggested, and do the work, and see where it takes me.
We don’t all have to go about things in the same way. I know that by choosing this path I’m probably not going to make any money. Maybe I’ll do that a different way. Sell some crafty work on Etsy maybe? Or those patch paintings I did?
I’ve not told you what I’ve been listening to lately either. This is silly, because the music, to me and my working method, is crucial. It accompanies my every move and mood. Sometimes it changes my mood. Sometimes it reflects, but it’s always there. This last couple of weeks have been dominated by a couple of people…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_QEh7nigpc – Peter Broderick, I love this video to this song. Collage of images, text, sound, music, lyrics. Just my kind of thing.
And also Ron Sexsmith.
Brilliant songwriters that deserve to be better known. They are helping me get my mojo back.
There, that’s better.