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So here we are again….
Ebb and flow, peak and trough, up and down.
I’m not complaining, or even apologising, I’m just observing, and commenting.

I have had an amazing couple of weeks here… The up!

I am now exhausted, physically and mentally. I keep falling asleep, and I can’t find the right words for things. I have to do the actions and make noises, and play a one to one game of taboo because I can’t remember what the bread knife is called.

I just checked in my diary and I think the last day I had totally on my own in the studio was 14th April! No wonder I feel like this!

I have a fairly sociable weekend ahead of me and most of my brain doesn’t want to join in. I would say it makes me feel claustrophobic, or maybe agoraphobic, but neither… They’re not quite the right words…. The feeling is one where I want to send in a clone to do it for me… I want to sit on the edge… Not talk… Not engage… Small talk makes my face feel tired… I want to curl up in a quilt, with an endless supply of tea and crumpets that I don’t have to get up to make… I don’t want TV, radio, or a book…

Some people don’t believe me when I say I’m actually quite antisocial. But I can be… And if this current mood swing gets much worse and isn’t dealt with, I will become rude, nasty and miserable.

So… To keep me going I have this plan for Tuesday… Get up early… Sneak out on my own… Talk to no one… Have packed lunch so I don’t need to go out… Sit in the studio and get the balance back.

How the hell did I manage to sustain a real job for all those years?

I am supremely grateful to have family and friends that put up with me, and keep making the tea.


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