I had a conversation with a colleague about spirituality and my work. How I’ve lost religion and a certain type of faith, but through my own art work, I have discovered something that suits me better. Two days later, I discover a student of mine has had a similar thought about how the two connect. I can’t speak for anyone else of course, but… We take our enlightenment where we can get it? The student has talked of being “switched on”. Some people are greatly disturbed by me thinking of art like this – art as “religion” a highly contentious issue – heresy even…
You can call it what you like. I don’t do that any more, I do this instead. It fits me better. It isn’t hypocritical any more.
I wrote on the nine women blog about my post-exhibition slump. It is still with me I’m afraid. This morning I was at my usual life drawing session and felt distinctly stroppy, antisocial, possibly even antagonistic. I apologise unreservedly. I withdrew to my headphones when we started drawing. I tried in vain to find an album with no gaps between the tracks. I didn’t want any speech to encroach upon my consciousness. I was successful for about four minutes at a time.
Something else: I was checking my diary, and discovered to my horror, that unless I use a Sunday, or the bank holiday Monday, it will be something like September 9th before I get a whole day on my own in the studio.
The above statements might seem unconnected, but they are not. I can feel myself going under. I need to be careful. I need to tend to myself. I need to have an extended period of untimed solitude in order to redress the balance here. I’m going to be horrible to be with. The slump will get worse. I will get no work done. The spiritual qualities of my product and my process are vital to my mental health. Quiet contemplation and uninterrupted hard work will reconnect me to myself, and in turn, with those around me. The burgeoning spitefulness will only dissipate with a period of calm self-preservation. The inter-connectedness in the work and my life I posted about last week. This self-created spiritual box of art. Fortunately I have retained insight and awareness of what’s slipped. So I can put it right as soon as possible. September 9th isn’t soon enough. I need to get back to the diary and shuffle stuff around, and fast.