Project Me

The plaster casts of my shadow form are still not as interesting as I thought they would be! This is quite hard to admit after having spent so much of my time at Mejan producing the mould – I wonder if I need to let them sit for a while longer before I judge them too critically.

Casting the form in wax has been much more rewarding! I have not worked with wax since I was Dartington in the late 80s. I find the material fascinating, I like its malleableness. I find myself wanting to understand it, to learn how it melts and hardens, how it flows and fastens, how it forms and releases. Working with it reminds me of both cookery and science classes, as though the material spans the world of the domestic and the academic via the workshop. As children we made candles, it is one of the few creative activities that I remember doing with my father – he being a science teacher and sailor preferred more technical and technological hobbies. Writing now it dawns on me that wax has an obvious connection to light, to one’s ability to produce and control light. And then there are, of course, the old anatomical and biological wax models – were these attempts at capturing time in order to study things that would otherwise decay? Attempts to make things easier to understand, literally easier to handle? I am thinking about the wax anatomical models in the Spectacular Bodies show at the Hayward some years ago.

I continue to work with my ‘back to front’ and ‘inside outside’ ideas for casting glass. Making separate halves of the mould means that I am working from the inside out, working from the (bi-lateral) cross-section of the whole form. Perhaps it was this ‘working away from’ that led to thinking about casting the glass in a way that it would have the feeling of a “negative” (even though it is clearly a “positive”). During the initial glass workshop I cast something which was much more interesting viewed from the “wrong side”, it is this quality that I want to produce again. This early cast also contained too much glass which formed a kind of pool over the mould, it makes a really nice contrast between the cast form and the accidental overflow. The first time it happened by chance, now I want to see if I can knowingly create similar results!

In a few weeks’ time I start co-teaching the Introduction to Artistic Research course at Konstfack! It is both exciting and daunting. After a good meeting with the director of these professional courses Anna and I have begun dealing with the practicalities of scheduling sessions and booking rooms. It is not always easy as we both really want to co-teach each session, and at the same time we both have prior commitments. Hopefully there will only be two sessions where we cannot work together. I am delighted to be teaching again and am certain that it will be rewarding for me as well as for the students. Artistic Research remains a challenging subject for me, going further in to it will no doubt strengthen and clarify my own understanding. Re-reading the course literature in preparation for the first session has raised new questions and expectations about how artistic research can function.

Ideas for my application to one of the upcoming PhD posts at Mejan have been spinning around my mind. Attempts at getting these ideas down on paper (as the application requires) is quite another story! My project proposal is based on physical and intellectual work with glitter. I love the idea that I would be able to focus on that full-time for four years, and at the same time I wonder how to write something that other people are able to take seriously in a competitive academic environment. It is too easy for me to get carried away with pushing the ideas and neglect describing what I actually want to do and how I intend to do it! I guess that a good application is able to express both the passion and the competence to conduct the project …

I was starting to feel a bit guilty about not having posted since the birthday party. The last two and a half weeks have been (over) full and (over) exhausting. There is still a lot to do and February will be a very demanding month, however I no longer feel quite so overwhelmed and things seems to be back in perspective.

I have been sorting out some days teaching in Gothenburg at the college where I also applied for a part-time job. The artist who suggested that I apply for the job, has invited me to be involved in a student project irrespective of my application. I am very excited as it is my first teaching work in many years, it will be fascinating to see if I can do some tutorials in Swedish! My presentation of my work will be in English as there are some international students – speaking English is both a relief and a disappointment. It is impossible for me to gauge how successful my application might be. I will deal with the logistics if and when I get an offer!

In the meantime there are two other exciting opportunities coming up closer to home. On Monday Anna and I will meet with the director of independent courses at Konstfack to discuss taking over the Introduction to Artistic Research course. When I heard that Rolf (the course leader) had been appointed Research Leader at the new University of the Arts Stockholm I thought it meant that I would not be asked to do a days teaching that he had hinted at, I was not expecting him to suggest that Anna (a student from another intake of the same course) and I should take over the course! Coincidentally Anna and I are at the same studios, though we do not really know each other. We had a good meeting on Tuesday evening and I am looking forward to working with her – providing we get the go ahead on Monday.

On the last day for applying to Gothenburg, the University of the Arts Stockholm (SKH) announced ten new PhD posts. Two of these will be at Mejan and it would be foolish for me not to apply, though (again) I am not certain that my work and I are quite right for it. This is not a judgement on the quality or ambition of my practice, rather a recognition that I find it very hard to produce text that clearly and appropriately communicates the kind of research that an institution can easily invest in. But that is not going to stop me trying!! I am going to see if I can shape my thoughts about glitter as a viable and serious artistic material in to something suitable. My presentation of it as an idea for a general research project were well received by my fellow students and Rolf, however it is a different situation and they are not the ones taking the decision!

As a very welcome counterpoint to all that writing and theory there is my work in the workshops at Mejan. Possibly as a result of being split between too many different activities I had been feeling rather lost, as though I had forgotten what I was doing and why. The first casts that I made after all those weeks of preparation did not excite me as much as I thought they would. Perhaps it is the cold matt white of the plaster, or perhaps the form is becoming less interesting the further it moves away from the original object. However, a couple of days working with wax have lead to towards something that might be of interest and make the process worth continuing. I want to cast glass in half the solid form – in an open mould – this means that you get flat clear side (which is often the bottom or back) of the finished piece. What I want to present is the glass upside down (or back to front) so that the cast seems to be somehow below the surface … this ‘illusion’ appeals to me and makes some kind of reference to the (intangible) shadow ….

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you …

Today is your seventh birthday! And as your author this has given me pause for thought. When I started you and proposed that you would be “charting my progress” it was, of course, impossible to imagine where I would be today. And yet at the same time as I re-read various posts it is not completely surprising that I am here doing what I am doing.

You have been a constant and faithful companion along my journey. The opportunity that your always listening ear, and your remarkable memory give me have, I am sure, been more beneficial than I care to admit. I have found your silent support and total acceptance of whatever I need to say both comforting and rewarding.

Then there are your friends – the other blogs that you hang about with – and their authors, who while not exactly friends have become important voices with welcome and oftentimes uncannily accurate observations and comments. Thank you for introducing me to them!

As your author I take a lot of credit for your existence however I must also congratulate the a-n.co.uk team without whom you could not exist.

So without any more fuss, or danger of this becoming a rambling acceptance speech, I want to say a very heart felt thank you!

… Happy birthday dear ‘Project Me’,

Happy birthday to you!

I have lost my sense of time. Days and particularly weeks are not making any sense to me. This is most likely the result of the ‘sudden’ change in my routine. Most of my weekdays are now spent at Mejan rather than being divided up between three schools with no two consecutive days in the same place. It is great being able to focus more on what I am doing there, and I have also noticed that I am starting to have an even better working relationship with the tutors and other students. The stress and urgency that I felt, and no doubt exuded, last term is no longer there and this I am sure makes for easier and more productive working days – for everyone! Being present is a sign of my interest and it makes it easier for others to be interested too. I also have time to be more interested in what other people are doing which is doubly rewarding as our discussions are most often in Swedish.

On two occasions this week I have explained my work in Swedish! At least I think I have explained my work!! Once to some visiting tutors at college, and also to two new staff at the Andersson Sandström gallery where I returned to buy catalogues of Riitta Paivalainen whom they are showing at the moment. It is somehow both wonderful and worrying to discover a successful artist whose work is related/parallel/similar to one’s own. Paivalainen’s works with second-hand clothes and mentions that she is interested in their unknown histories. There is a picture of a piece in which she uses shirts that could easily have come from my collection.

Not only does her content give me things to think about but her form does too. She produces large-scale photographs of garments and fabric in specific conditions and locations. She states that she is a photographer rather than an installation artist. Her interest is in the image rather than the encounter with the real objects. Reading this led me to think about two things; firstly that there is a saleable (re-exhibitable!) product (artwork), and secondly that as she sets up her photographs in isolated landscapes she most likely avoids problems of permissions and public accessibility. Producing an image affords her a level of control and possibility that would be hard to achieve if the site-specific installations were the artwork. This has certainly given me something to think about!

Where might the objects I produce and collect be located if I were to place them somewhere to be photographed? Not in the natural landscape (as Paivalainen’s are) … I think I see them being somewhere more architectural. Architectural and yet at odds with them, the polished cake tins of Glory do not belong in a kitchen – I would like to see them re-placing classical busts somewhere … Sir John Soane’s house? … in the V&A Museum?

Proof-reading the entries for the Supermarket Art Fair catalogue is a good reminder of the range of activities that artists undertake – it is far too easy for me to become fastened in my own routines and habits. Reading an article about how an artist worked with her siblings to establish two dynamic and radical contemporary art venues in Syria which since the ‘unrest’ have become domestic residences/refuges for her and her colleagues families is somewhat of a wake-up call. Both the passion to actively engage with forming a new art-scene and the practical solution to surviving subsequent national turmoil are inspirational.

So the question is “what is stopping me?” stopping me from doing everything that I can to realise my dreams. The question is particularly pertinent right now, not just because it is the beginning of a new year, but also because after two years studying Swedish I now have to get on with building a life that felt rather ‘on-hold’. In a recent feature about a designer’s home was a photograph of a sentence written across a wood-burning stove, it reads: the best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. Again, there is something about the relation between ambition and pragmatism, and it is perhaps this that seems to be hooking me in.

I am in an amazing position right now; I have very few responsibilities, just about enough security to maintain the studio, I am at a prestige school, and I am relatively naïve about the scene here so can ask questions that Swedes would not. Perhaps the question is not about what might be stopping me, but rather what do I want to do – really want to do!

We have one final assignment for the Making Matters course – to write and present a draft research proposal. After a year of wrestling with the concept of artistic research I feel ready for it and am looking forward to working the assignment. My intention to see if I can produce something which successfully combines my artistic dreams with the pragmatism of institutional frameworks. If I pull it off then there is no reason why it could not be the basis of real project*.

It is hard for me to say what I want, not because I do not know what it is, but because I am scared that by daring to utter it it will become vulnerable. Somehow keeping it locked away inside me can become a way to keep it safe. The inherent foolishness of this is clear to me – I cannot expect anyone to know what I want, and therefore to help me achieve it, without me sharing that information with them. If I want to have shows I need to let people who can make this happen know that I am interested. Working with the exhibition space at the studio it has been interesting to read the letters we receive from artists hoping for an exhibition. The easiest ones to respond to are of course those that describe both the artwork(s) and the intended exhibition clearly and succinctly.

Every year I think that this will be the year when I learn how to get an exhibition, learn how to speak with galleries, learn how to make successful applications. As the Supermarket fair approaches it is a good time to remember that there is no “best” way to do things as subtle/random/personal as this, for me thing is just to do it! Wake up, turn up, and say hello!

Please get in touch if you will be visiting the fair (14-16 February, Stockholm) it would be great to meet you, and I can pass on some tips for surviving a weekend in what can seem an expensive city! I highly recommend Supermarket for anyone engaged in artist-led initiatives, it is a great networking opportunity, not everywhere is as economically stricken as the UK and well-conceived collaborative projects can really benefit all partners.

*And here I do mean ‘project’, not a single artwork or a series but a piece of sustained work with its own processes and outcomes.

www.supermarketartfair.com