The commute to the studio is quite pleasant (though I am aware of its environmental impact) and it seems to be becoming shorter. Obviously it is the same length, it is just that it is becoming familiar. I wonder how pleasant, or not, it will be in the winter. Should I accelerate my plans to move to Uppsala?
I am trying to reserve judgement on as much as possible until covid restrictions are less evident.
What is it about the new studio that makes me feel more professional just by being there? Professional by association … professional by context … ? The two artists whom I see and chat with regularly were also in the show in Tierp and in the regional presentations (they did not buy anything from me – which is actually a bit disappointing). I don’t know if I would dare say that we share some ambitions but there certainly seem to be areas where we a striving for similar things. Unfortunately this is not a feeling that I get with my studio-mates in Enköping. Perhaps it is as simple as that. Perhaps it has less to do with professionalism and more to do with affinity. In Uppsala I feel as though I am part of something that has a greater meaning for me.
This afternoon I showed a very nice woman one of the studios (in Enköping) that are available. She is a really nice older woman who though officially retired still does a bit of counselling work and is looking for somewhere away from home to pursue her hobby – painting. It is great that she wants to move in, and it is great that she paints, it is just that I am not sure that we will have that much in common. Again I should reserve judgement until I see her work.
Being judgemental is wrong. Is it okay to be discerning? Maybe being judgmental is not necessarily wrong … I have to make judgements, everybody has to make judgments … how I make those judgements is important. I think that I am struggling with how to make judgements at the moment. And there seem to be a lot of judgements to be made right now …
Everything is exciting and nothing is impossible … that is my default setting. This is obviously not true. However I find myself spending time doing things that actually turned out not to be so exciting or so possible, and yet for some reason I cannot admit that. Could it be egotism that prevents me from saying that I made a poor judgement? Or that judgements have best before dates. Or is it an over active (and more than likely misplaced) sense of loyalty that keeps me doing things that I should give up. Too often I wait for some external factor to make/take decisions for me. This I realise is not good.
Time to dig deep, summon up some courage, and do what needs to be done to find out if moving to Uppsala is feasible.